Question: Dear Luise: My son has hated me for most of his 21 years. He bad mouthsme to family and makes me look bad. He critizes me and if I didn’t contact him, there would be no contact . Everything is my fault. I have always put him first and loved him like no other. He always came first. I dont drive and had a dire appt with a vet for my dog. He ruined one appt by being too late and the next appt by not answering his phone and forgetting. He used an excuse then it became MY fault. Horrible misunderstanding and I was arrested, first time ever for a $20.00 theft. He was near and he came to me. I gave him money, a number for one of HIS bail bondsman, my purse with credit cards..I expected him any moment, within hours to get me out. He deliberated left me 5 days, wouldnt answer his phone. He never called the bonds man and never called anyone to help. This was near Christmas. I ended up calling a ex husband who got me released.He didnt spend the money, he just left me stranded. I am estranged from most family because of family business and he made sure all knew of this. I’m in severe depression because I dont understand. I loved him to a fault til lately and have kept my distance and now it’s my fault somehow. Any insight before I leave this world? J.
Answer: Dear J.: Those of us who “gave our children everything” and put them first at all times are beginning to understand, at least some of us, why our parents made us work hard and tow the line. I sounds to me like your son feels entitled and he isn’t looking to “get over himself” any time soon. Blame has a purpose…it is the perfect excuse for denying responsibility.
Because what you have described is the most often-asked question on my Website for the last seven years, I have created a Web-forum for the purpose of dialoguing with others who are up against the same or similar situations with their adult children and/or extended families. One question and answer here just isn’t enough. You need the support of a community committed to sharing and caring…listening and suggesting…venting and healing. It you are interested, please come over to: www.WiseWomenUnite.com You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise