Question: Dear Luise: I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve known this boy basically all my life. Yes, I’ve had other boyfriends so it’s not like I’m new to this whole process. I got my heart broken and I never thought that I would be able to love again. Then I started to see my best friend in a different light. When I’m around him, I get this feeling that I’m finally safe and I’ve never felt that way before. There’s no secrets between us and I know for a fact that he feels the same way about me. The problem I’m having is that he tells everyone the way he feels about me but won’t talk to me about it. I’ve dropped a numerous amount of hints but I don’t feel like he’s getting any of them. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. EVER. He’s smart, athletic, and good looking. I can’t even explain the connection we have when we are together. I just don’t know how to get him to take our relationship to the next level. I would bring it up but I have this incredible fear of rejection. I can’t take it. So i thought that if I just let it go, i would be better off. Truth be told, I’m miserable. I need you advice. Thanks! C.
Answer: Dear C.: One of the toughest assignments any of us will ever have to face is getting that people are the way they are. We go nuts wanting them to be different. Look closely at that. The guy talks to others about it but not to you. OK, that’s what he’s doing. We can guess that he doesn’t know what to say or fears rejection himself but it’s just guessing.
You get to be the way you are. That’s about you. You can’t hand scripts to others and expect them to follow them. Truth? We all try. It just doesn’t work. We have hopes and dreams and expectations but/and the only people that can do anything them it is ourselves. We can’t give the job to someone else. We wait or we don’t and when the other person makes a move then we are in full charge of how we respond. That’s it. Your safety lies within yourself. When it is dependent on another…you are never safe.
You can seek out more outgoing guy. That’s your business. How this one is feeling and acting…is his business. Can you get that? I‘ve had a very tough time with that most of my life but it finally dawned on me that I can’t hold up hoops and ask others to jump through them. We waste so much time wanting them to be different than they are and waiting and hoping someone will or won’t do what we want…and we hint all over the place. What they do is their business…in their own time or not at all. It isn’t up to us.
So, you just get to see how it all turns out or you get to say to yourself that the discomfort isn’t worth it. Falling for someone and getting through the uncertainty that accompanies moving from best friends to being that special someone is not easy. For many of us, however, we’re glad we hung in there. Blessings, Luise
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