Question: Dear Luise: I’m a 15 year old girl and am in love with mybest friend’s cousin. I’ve known him as long as I’ve known my friend. Around this time last year, I told my friend that I liked him. She then went and told him. She told me he didn’t say if he liked me back or not. Luckily, things weren’t awkward between us after that. His other cousin, who I’m also friends with, asked how he felt about me during last summer. He told her that he thinks I’m nice, but he just wants to be friends for now. I figured he meant that he wanted to date me when he was ready. Things were fine between us until this past November. All of a sudden, he started acting hostile towards me. He ignored me whenever I said hi, and blocked me on Twitter. We were in a group of three in English class, and he would face away from me and only talk to the other person in our group. Just last week my class was doing a computer project, and there was only one computer left, next to me. He was about to sit down, then decided to just hand write his paper. I know it’s because I was sitting there. He still ignores me now. When I talk to him he doesn’t look at me and just gives me one word answers. I don’t know what I did. My friends think his behavior towards me is odd also. Is it because he feels weird knowing that I like him? I’ve liked him since 7th grade, love at first sight. Ever since then, I knew he was the one for me. I can’t picture myself with anyone else. His family knows I like him and they think we would be good together. I want to talk to him about how he’s been acting, but I’m too afraid of what he’ll say. None of my friends want to get involved. I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with my parents. They know I like him also. I don’t know who to turn to, so I’m asking you. Please tell me why he’s behaving this way, and what I can do to make him mine. He’s a good boy, in all honors and AP classes, like me, and has good values and beliefs. I love him more than anything. M.
Answer: Dear M.: One thing no one can do is figure out what another person is thinking. It’s nothing but a guessing game. That said, I will try to look at the situation with you.
He knows you like him. At the very beginning, you called attention to yourself by talking with others about your feelings. That may or may not have made him uncomfortable. He said he liked you but just wanted to be friends. You took that (getting it second hand, so you couldn’t ask him what her meant) to mean that he wanted to date you later on. He didn’t say that. My guess is that he got teased about you and in November it either got worse or he got fed up with it. Now, his actions are extreme…like with the computer. He now dis-likes you.
When intense feelings are one-sided, it can be really hard to take. However, none of us can make someone like or love us. We only look foolish trying to make it happen and usually totally turn the other person off. I’ve been there and it can eventually be embarrassing.
Your attraction is very real, I don’t doubt that, but it has the characteristics of a crush because it isn’t two-sided. The way that works is the more you think about it, the stronger it gets. I would suggest you let it go no matter how hard that is to do. You are getting nowhere and your self-esteem can’t help but be taking a beating.
You deserve so much better than this. You really do. Why not open your self up to other possibilities? Blessings, Luise
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