Question: Dear Luise: My 26 year old son left home over 4 years ago telling me I would never see him or his son that his girlfriend was pregnant withever again and he has held true to that threat.In the beginning I made several attempts to reconcile the relationship after a few years of rejection I told him I love him and he knew where I would be when he was ready. He hasn’t attempted any contact I have no idea if I should try to find him and attempt again or leave it alone I of course I long to connect with him again but keep being told to wait on him to make the next move. I’m not sure he will? What do I do? J.
Answer: Dear J.: First and foremost, please come over to my Web-forum at www.WiseWomenUnite.com where many are in the same situation you are. You will find support and understanding there. The aloneness, for most of us, is excruciating and a single response here just isn’t enough because community is needed. I started it nearly three years ago for just that reason.
Your son knows where you are and what you want and contacting him is probably only going to bring you further grief. You raised him to the best of your ability and his life choices are now his business. We all have expectations of a continued, rewarding relationship with our adult children but for many of us, those expectations are not fulfilled for whatever reason…or even for no reason at all as far as we can tell.
Waiting is something most of us have had to give up on. It costs us too much, emotionally. You were a whole person before you had children and you can be whole again. For many of us, life starts to open up after parenting is completed but I think most of us have to work at it, at least at first. Blessings, Luise