Question: Dear Luise: I have been divorced for almost 10 years. I have four children from that marriage 3 boys and 1 girl. Their ages are 22-girl, 19 male, 17 male and 15 male. My ex-husband remarried a month after the divorce was final. I am still single raising the two younger children alone. My daughter is with me because she lost her job and her car. My oldest son lives with his father’s parents. Recently my oldest son has been leaving with different family members it seem like he moves every month or so. His grand parents called me to say they do not want my son to live with them too long. I called his father and all he say is HIS WIFE does not want my son living with them. So of course he goes along with her answer. I have been very upset because I need help with my son and I can not do it alone. I already have my hands FULL with my grown daughter and 2 other sons. I work 2 jobs and I am a full time student. I have one car and there are not any transit buses that come to my community, so you have to have a car to get around. My ex-husband have 2 cars and a 2 parent household. What am I to do? T.
Answer: Dear T.: Please come over to my Web-forum and put your question to the wonderful women there, so you will get other perspectives besides mine. I started it because the simple question and answer venue used here does not always work. Sometimes a person needs more support over a period of time to move forward. We are at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com
My take is that anyone over 18 needs to be told that their parents have finished their job…and they are now 100% responsible for themselves. Anyone losing a job can get another one…and no car means renting a room close to transportation. They will never mature if they are still being treated like dependent children. Saying “no” is a gift of respect.
I know you will get other viewpoints but it is the one my parents took with me and with my sisters, it is the one I took with my children and it is the one they took with their children. Believe it of not, they all turned out great. Blessings, Luise