Question: Dear Luise: On Wednesday 19th October, 2011, my mum was out walking the dog and got knocked down and killed. We had the funeral on sunday we were absolutely devastated and in shock.
I am now trying to stay strong for me and my dad I love my mum and miss her so much but I don’t know if I can cope. It just feels like a part of me has gone with her. It still doesn’t feel real and I just want her back so bad. I’m trying to remember the good times we had but she was only 56 and such a loving caring person. I just feel like it is so unfair that she was took from me and my family and friends. My question is how can I cope with losing her? Every morning I get up now and remember that shes not here. It’s so hard to stay positive. Can you help me by telling me what I should or could do to make life a little bit easier. K.
Answer: Dear K.: That is so sad and yes, totally unfair. Sudden death keeps the person who leaves from pain and suffering but it is terribly hard on those left behind. I lost my eldest son that way when he was 52.
The way you feel right now is normal and there is nothing you can do that I know of but tough it out. After a while, you may want to do what I did when my own mom died. I wrote to her. I know that sounds dumb but I just had so much to say and being disconnected was too painful. I wrote her letters and told her how I felt…even if it was angry. And eventfully, and this will sound even more weird, I started writing myself letters back from her. I knew they weren’t from her, don’t get me wrong, but I knew her heart and I knew what she would say to me if she could. It really helped me. I have no way of knowing if it will help you or not. She has been gone now, for 58 years and once in awhile, I still do it when I want to talk something over with her.
I honestly don’t think love has any boundaries, time or space. It’s just love. Blessings, Luise