Teen Advice Needed Regarding Not Fitting In
Question: Dear Luise: I’m fourteen and I feel like I don’t fit in at home. I need advice about how to survive feeling like an alien with my family. They are all so serious and I like fun. They have so much going on about doing life “right” that I don’t see much life in how they do it. My two sisters are serious and believe they are superior and right. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was adopted. I don’t think a blue blood family tree makes you better than anyone else. I don’t think grades are everything. I feel like I want to discover and experiment and enjoy. That makes me a problem. Lou
Answer: Dear Lou: The feeling that you don’t fit in and are different is a common and healthy one, I think. We’re all different. Everyplace we go…school, jobs, the homes of friends or even to a store, the way we fit into each situation is unique, because we are.
Growing up is a situation where you have the beliefs and values of your elders superimposed over your own. That’s good in a way, because yours aren’t really developed yet and you need some kind of “operating instructions” until your evolve.
When you can, try for the middle-road. Your parents would probably throttle me for saying so, but don’t buy their points of view lock, stock and barrel. Accept what makes sense and be respectful of what doesn’t. Try to avoid the excess of too much playing at the cost of achievement…without forfeiting the expression the your joy.
We can’t help being a product of our environment but we also have genes, natural preferences and individuality. Cherish yours. Be who you are and know that being different is often being truthful. You aren’t a stamped-out by-product of your home. You’re you.
My teen advice would be to back down often, while you keep in mind that when you are on your own you may decide to do some things differently. All children, and you are still one, need to be sheltered, instructed, supervised and directed. It’s not an easy job. Blessings, Luise
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