I am 24 and have been dating my “engaged-to-be-engaged” boyfriend (39) for two years. We were introduced through mutual friends because we shared many of the same hobbies. What started out as a casual relationship for each of us quickly progressed as we each realized we were on the same page about so many values: family, careers, religion, money, etc. Even day-to-day things like how to spend an evening or how to split up chores. At first, we were both apprehensive about the age difference, but it didn’t take long at all for us to realize how well our personalities meshed. He is such a genuine, compassionate, and dedicated person in all aspects of his life. I can say without a doubt that he has helped me to realize my own potential and to become a happier, more positive, complete person than I was before.

We both would like to start a family after we are married (neither of us has any children). One of the reasons we are not concerned about his age (as it relates to parenthood) is the fact that his own father was 45 when he was born and he has never felt that they missed out on any opportunities/experiences that other father-son pairs share. In fact, having children in your forties is becoming much more common. After the first time I saw him interacting with our friends’ young children, I knew that he was the man I wanted to raise my own children with.

Changing pace now, career wise he has always been extremely supportive of me achieving the goals I have set for myself. He has actually encouraged me several times to pursue dreams I have had, and stood by me through the ups and downs of achieving them One of the first things I noticed about him that I respected immediately is the fact that he has established himself in a career field where he does not make a lot of money, but every morning when he wakes up he looks forward to going to work and at night when he comes home (even after a long day) he will still say how much he loves his job and how fortunate he feels to have it.

We have both been very fortunate to have loving, supportive families and friends who have accepted us and our relationship. We were actually quite amazed that no one questioned it (although we do get the occasional grave-robber/cradle-robber jabs in good fun). We have talked several times about what the future might hold for us. There is no denying that he will likely die before me, but then again, there is always the chance that I may go first. We each feel that there is no sense in living if you don’t actually live your life to the fullest! I have thought several times (and he has agreed with me) that I would much rather share whatever part of my life I can with him than to go the entire time without him at all.

Touching on Lynn’s post, I don’t feel any relationship will work out if there is a lack of things like respect, commitment, and compromise. Luckily, our relationship has those and many other qualities. I’m not trying to say it’s always all sunshine and roses, but I am confident in the fact that whenever it isn’t, we have always been able to deal with the issue and come up with a solution that satisfies us both.

When I think about the age difference in a physical sense I am not worried because my fiancee is in much better condition than many of my own peers. However, there is never a guarantee (regardless of the age of your significant other) on the condition of their health a few years down the road. Who knows, an older (or younger!) partner could turn out like Luise’s and still be kickin’ or could end up like her friend’s and have definitely slowed down.

I guess my overall feelings are that (as in any relationship) both people need to be on the same page with their core values, understand that no relationship is perfect and that they all take work (and be willing to do that work), and that love is always a gamble and if you want to “win” (so to speak) you’ve got to stick your neck out there and have some faith/trust that the person you love is there to catch you.

Whew! I’m off the soap-box now Wishing each of you all the best. A.