Mother-in law vs. Daughter-in-law

Question: Dear Luise: This is an embarrassing question, but I feel pretty alone with the problem and would like some help with it. My son has a mate/life-partner that I can’t stand. I think she took a dislike to me before I did to her, but it is clearly mutual. Do you have any words of wisdom about how to keep from losing my relationship with my son? I’m so sad. Mary Z.

Answer: Dear Mary: This is not unusual, since we don’t get to pick our kid’s mates. I have been there and know how awful it can feel.

His choice has been made, the die is cast and you are stuck with her. You need to get that loud and clear. You can’t change her and you can’t change his mind. I spent a lot of useless energy many years ago not really getting that.

I think I would watch to see what, if anything, works and focus on that. By that I mean, are large gatherings better than one-on-ones…does it work at all to be alone with her as opposed to being with both of them…is there some need that you can fill that would make you part of their reality, (like house-sitting while they are away, etc.)?

If it is possible to do so, talk with them separately about this. Ask your son if he can think of any way it would work and then ask her the same thing. It is wise to call it what it is, (well, choose your words carefully, of course), and to let both of them know that you want what will work best for everyone.

Sometimes, as in my case, the daughter-in-law feels so insecure about the old and very strong bond between mother and son, that she declares war, sight unseen. Sometimes the mother-in-law does that because she feels threatened and sometimes, unfortunately, there is just poor chemistry.

Whatever it is, you are a caring person to write to me about it and a great deal can come out of quietly caring…even from a distance. Blessings, Luise

269 Responses to Mother-in law vs. Daughter-in-law

  1. K. April 1, 2011 at 6:26 am #

    The daughter-in-law isn’t “insecure about the old and very strong bond between mother and son, that she declares war, sight unseen.” Any woman appreciates a man who has a good relationship with his mother, it forecasts how he will treat the women in his life. You LADY need to stop being an ass! And why don’t you like the girl? because infact you’re insecure about the new very strong bond between daughter-in-law and son, that you declare war? please! K.

  2. DMK May 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    I have a similar situation – my daughter (30) has been married for 6.5 years to a selfish, pompous, narcissistic ass (also 30). I feel badly to say this but I have done everything to try to help him but when he spins off on one of his tirades he bullies everyone in his path – since I do not allow him to bully me, that only makes him angrier. My biggest concern is my 4 year old grandson who is often the victim of his screaming & bullying which is highly upsetting to me & the child. If I attempt to intervene it is worse for all of us – then he and my daughter get in a screaming, door slamming match – they recently moved in with me & the only reason I don’t pitch the Dad out is I worry about the safety of my grandson. I know his frustration is over money & lack of job right now – they lost their house, like so many others & I get all that – but I do not think it’s fair to go on screaming tirades when he could just go for a bike ride or something until he can calm down & be reasonable. He is very helpful during his “good” moments, unfortunately everyone walks on eggshells around him because you never know what will set him off. He was raised in a very unstable, disrespectful household – he expects everyone to hear his opinion but he disagrees with most everyone else. He gets mad when my grandson runs to me in fear, and I try not to interfere with discipline even tho it is at times unreasonable – he expects too much from a 4 year old, and I worry the child will grow up in fear of his father. Several weeks ago, I was soothing the child explaining to him why it’s important to listen to his Mommy & Daddy, had him almost calmed down when he bellowed for him to get in the car & they left – I worried for hours because I think it was inappropriate for him to be in a car that angry – when they came home all was well, but still I think this man needs some anger management – when he is calm I tell him so, and he says I am not the first to tell him this, yet he’s obviously done nothing about it – I worry he will do something he regrets in one of these rages. He left my daughter at Christmas for a week because he was mad about who knows what at the end of the week he ended up in ER (i think from stress), called in his fear and said he was sorry – blah, blah, blah – the only good thing that came out of that was my daughter went through the whole grieving process and I think if he left and didn’t come back she would be just fine – i have been a nurse for 35+ years and KNOW what I see is abuse yet really don’t know what to do about it – counseling is out as I have already suggested it. A.

    • Luise May 10, 2011 at 11:35 am #

      I have a Web-forum that deals with this issue: http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com Come on over.

      • F. February 5, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

        Hi Luise, i dont know if you are still doing this but I have a serious issue. I am 65 and My fiancee is 54. She moved from the mid west where she lived with her daughter and granddaughter while the granddaughter was getting her Doctors degee and supporting them. Her father in Tx died and her mother moved fo the midwest and got an apartment right accorss the stairway from her. She had not dated in 5 years. Then she met me. We has such a wonderful time together for 3 months then Idecided to move to the south west to be near my daughter and grandkids. She decided to follow me there and got a great job and moved there with my help. (Her mother told me she cried every night since she had left) We lived together for 5 months and were so wonderfully happy and she had a stroke. She survived the surery and was in rehab for 6 weeks. I was at her side every night. Then her mother called and told h er she had plan for her recovery. She showed up on Sept 15th unanounced. By Sept 19th she had me locked out of the room unable to visit my fiance and when I called her that night she told me to stop bothering her and not call and I was no longer her fiancee. We had a couple of joint checking accounts so when I returned home I moved most of the money to a personal account that night. The next morning when I checked my accounts online the checking account was gone. I called the bank and she said that the money had been transfered by phone to my finacees account in the mid west and closed. She has not recolection of this and was whoreified when I told her later.The next day they flew to the mid west. I went to visit her 3 times and we were like old times expect when she went back to her mothers after 3 days she didnt want to see me and it put to much stress on the family. the last time was at Christmas. I sent h er an email last week telling her I wanted her to come back to me as her mother is trying to put her on welfare and never takes her anywhere and the fiancee mentioned that she had talked to her social working abou tthe way she was being treated. TO my email she said she would not be coming back to me because she didnt really know me and she had made these mistakes in the past. There is so much more to tell but you get drift. She is parotting her mother because of her condition which is going backward because of the environment she is living in . But for some reason her mother has control over her and she will not stand up for herself. I feel like I am abandoning her if I move on but it is driving me crazy litterly (Had to take 2 mohts off work) to hang in there. Please advise and if you need more info let me know. F.

        • Luise Volta February 8, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

          F – There is no way I know of to make sense of the senseless. It takes two to play the co-dependent game and your fiancé showa no indication of breaking that pattern with her mother. My take is that you have been kind and patient and have given her your best. There’s a place where it’s important for your self-respect to be factored in. Some people are willing to be treated the way you’re being treated indefinitely but the fact that you wrote to me about this, indicates to me that it’s time for you move on. You’re a valuable human being and you deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise

          • F. February 9, 2013 at 1:15 am #

            Thank you for responding, h I am amazed and flattered that you took the time to respond to my plight. Actually I habought a “Recovery” book and have processed the relationship and although I still love the girl I have found completion with the situation. Most of that is due to the fact that I was able to forgive the mother, I found pease. thank you so much again. you can truely know that you fullfilled your job here in this tiny space of time. F.

      • F. October 21, 2013 at 8:19 pm #

        Please HELP!….I have been married to my husband for 5 years, together for a total of 8 going on 9 years…..my inlaws at first were wonderful until they started visiting and going through our bank statements and visa bills questioning….i was like OMG!….then they came again and I was away at a training seminar and came home to my bdrm completely changed around and my closets reorganized and EVERYTHING, I MEAN EVERYTHING was moved…I was mortified. When we go on vacation down there they plan what we eat for breakkfast, where we go for lunnch, whoo we are visiting that day and whaat we r eating at dinner and what time……My husbands paretns still refer to themselves as “mommy and daddy”, even in front of friends at dinners….then one morning my husband asked me to get a fence poost ppounder at a rental shop, his dad made me 1/2 hr late for work, grosssed me out when i came back for lunch told me i was rude, born with a silver spoon in my mouth and that i was spoiled and it got into what my parents do for us. My mother has since passed and i thought that would change things but it has gotten worse….i long for family and they wont allow me at their home, expectt my husband to stay at their homee while i stay elsewhere because they wont agree to accept boundaries….they see me as trying to alienate my husband and all i want is to be a family and they wont listen…im very sad and its taking a toll on a relationship that has no problems other than this issue. F.

        • Luise Volta October 22, 2013 at 10:12 am #

          F. – Your comment needs more than a single response. Please come over to my Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com where you will get feedback and support from others facing similar issues. I will be there, too. Blessings, Luise

  3. D. June 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    I can identify with each of you. However, my son is also one of the factors in this problem because he is an adult with ADD and underdeveloped social skills. Actually, one of the charming things about him is his naivete. In essence, a little boy in a grown man’s body. He met this wife online. Inside of one week they were sexually involved but I was unaware of it. He told me she was living in her grandmother’s unfinished basement and asked if she could come stay at our house. I stipulated that she had to pay rent and she would have a separate room. That very same day she moved in – literally. And when I saw her for the first time, I realized that she was anorexic. She admitted to being a recovering bulemic. Food in my pantry was pushed aside for hers, which was baby food and non-nutritional fillers. Dishes in my cupboard were replaced with hers. And, she never stayed in the room I prepared for her, instead she moved into my son’s room. I didn’t want to come off of as a prude, so i said nothing. She would sit and watch TV with me in the room and not say a word to me. If I left the room, she changed the channel to what she wanted to watch and still never said a word to me. During the time she was with us, I learned that the day they met on the internet, she had ended a 5 year engagement with someone else. I felt that my presence in my own home was disappearing and found myself keeping to my room to avoid her. My son worked a lot and at night, so I saw little of him. When I did see him, it was briefly as he headed to him room and there, behind closed doors, would start the sexual activity with this girl. The experience was embarrassing and humiliating. One time when his married brother came over to visit, the ceiling started creaking from the sexual activity upstairs. His brother got up from where he was sitting, stomped upstairs, and banged on the door, yelling at his brother to knock off the activity and start respecting the home. After a few weeks, I boiled over and demanded that she leave. My son got upset, took a stand, and left with her.

    As I’ve said, my son is not perfect. He has stolen from me, he lies often and has an unrealistic perspective of the world. Yet, the one thing he always affirmed was that he loved me and cared deeply for me.

    After they left my home, we learned that the girl was pregnant. She claimed she didn’t know when she got pregnant and stated that it was only a few weeks from the time she announced it. We calculated from the baby’s arrival and found that conception likely occurred the first week my son met this girl. Five months into the pregnancy, she proposes to my son and asks him to get married in Las Vegas so his child won’t be illegitimate. In essence, a shot-gun wedding.

    Not long after they start living together, my son loses the best job he ever had in his life. He had a 401(k), he was planning on going to school and he had promotion prospects. My son blamed me for losing his job because I had to retrieve furniture I was paying for and which he took out of my house for their little love nest.

    A few months after the baby is born, they disappear. It took me an entire year of searching on the internet to find them. They had moved 400 miles away to an area where a large number of her family members lived. My son now works his tail-end off at a thankless job that doesn’t pay him enough. Also, his employer is less than ethical and pays my son under the table so he can under-report his earnings in order to qualify for Medicare. Despite being on Medicare, they don’t have enough money for food and other necessities. After I located them again, I drove 400 miles and left a present for my granddaughter at the door. My daughter-in-law had a fit that I had found them. My son was overjoyed. Since that time, we’ve had a less than ideal relationship, although I have tried. I have gifted generously on holidays and birthdays. Despite that, I got to hold my granddaughter for all of 5 minutes when she was 18 months old. In the last 2 years, my son called to borrow money, which I paid in good faith believing that my granddaughter would go without if I didn’t. After the third incident of borrowing, I found that a week after they borrowed money from me they went gambling. So that ended.

    These days when I text my son, my daughter-in-law responds for him. How do I know? My son can’t spell for anything and the messages I get back are perfect in grammar and punctuation. In the last few weeks, my son called and said that they were going under financially. I work in the legal field and he asked me for financial help to file a bankruptcy. I told him I was tired of paying money to him and getting nothing in return, so I proposed that I would pay for a bankruptcy if he would move closer to me and get a job because jobs were better in my area than his. The reasoning of this was to get him away from his dishonest boss and to get him back in a situation where he had the medical benefits he so desperately needs. My son has a blood disorder and has had three heart attacks due to clotting issues in the last 18 months (he’s barely 30). My son was all for the plan and we proceeded with getting his credit report, with his permission and at my cost, getting copies of his 401(k) because the IRS says he owes taxes, etc. My daughter-in-law found out I was helping him, went ballistic and reamed him up one side and down another. She told him she would leave him if he went with my plan. After that, my son told me his boss gave him a raise and gave him $4,000 to pay for his bankruptcy. I doubt that this is true because I’ve been checking recent bankruptcy filings in the state and nothing has shown up.

    I know that my son is part of the problem. I worry about him because of his inability to see underlying motives of people and this makes him fairly meleable when it comes to people. I’m pretty sure my daughter-in-law’s bulemia is the underlying issue with her control. My daughter-in-law refuses to work citing the desire to stay home with her child until she is old enough for school. Now that my granddaughter is preschool age, my daughter-in-law has become pregnant again. I find it interesting that this came about just as the issue of her returning to work became a consideration.

    I’ve tried telling my son that he is in the middle of a controlling relationship, but my attempts only seem to distance him more. So, like everyone else, I’ve come to the realization that it is what it is. I can’t change this situation and in all likelihood, it won’t change. I am becoming used to the idea that I won’t have a relationship with my granddaughter or her yet to be born sister. It’s extremely painful to turn away, but I know I have to do this and force myself to look toward healthier relationships with my other son, his wife, and my grandson. Or with my daughter and her husband and their yet to be born children.

    I look back on this situation and remember the day I visited a women’s convention. While strolling through with my daughter, I became adventurous and handed a psychic $10 for a quick reading. One of the first things out of her mouth was that I was going to lose a child. . . . And so I have. D.

    • Luise June 13, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

      How terribly sad. You both deserve so much better than that. Blessings, Luise

  4. D. June 13, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

    Thank you Luise. My son needs them. Actually, he needs a miracle. D.

  5. A. June 15, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    Wow. I really needed this site. I have a kind and loving MIL. However, my husband is the “screw up” and her other son the perfect one, the one who did everything she wanted him to do. When my husband and I got married she told him that there was nothing to celebrate, he was ruining his life. Not as much because of me, but b/c he was waiting tables and hadn’t gotten into medical school yet. She does not know that I am aware of this. She always treated me kindly and seemed to get on board. She has been kind and supportive. Now her eldest son is getting married. Whenever his girlfriend would come into town there was a family dinner. When I got into graduate school, we had a celebration dinner, no family, no cake, no wine. When the girlfriend came, there was always both. Now they brother are getting married. I ADORE my soon to be sister in law. She is kind, smart, hardworking, and fun. Perfect. She is also much more submissive than I am(it is a Latin family, the fiancée is Asian), I am like my less favored hubby. I am outspoken and sometimes say things that are a bit off color. I understand why she favors one son to the other. What hurts is seeing how she treats him, like a loser, that she loves but is still a loser since he is not where she thinks he should be. She tells him to grow up or act right. As the wedding nears my feelings have been DEEPLY hurt. She gave the bride elect a beautiful bracelet at her shower. Told everyone that it is tradition and told me that she wished she could have afforded a gold one instead of silver. I did not have a shower, no one in my family or any of my friends could come. I also never received a gift from my mother in law on the occasion of our wedding. My husband has addressed this fact. Her excuses were that we married so fast ( no faster than the other couple) and that I didn’t have a shower. BUT she had actually bought me a lovely bracelet as a grad school gift. It was very nice. She had it and gave it to him the time he addressed the issue. She just hadn’t had a chance to give it to me. I think that she simply was so unhappy about our wedding that getting me a gift escaped her mind. I do not believe she did this to slight me. My problem is that as a only child, I know that I am a casualty of the hierarchy between the sons. The DILS are just an extension. How do I learn to accept this and not take it personally? I adore my MIL, and yet am so hurt by this and hate her at times. It angers me that she doesn’t value him as much, and by extension me. I know that we are both more independent minded and make mistakes. Yet, we are forging our own path, not following the one she laid out. How can I learn to live with this without feeling constant resentment? My own husband tells me often that he knows his mother loves him, but that she doesn’t like him. In fact, I know she likes me better than him. He simply tells me that life isn’t fair and I shouldn’t get my feelings hurt. He has accepted his “role”. How do I focus on all her wonderful qualities and not feel hurt and slighted by her unintentional behaviors? A.

    • Luise June 16, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

      Come on over to my Web-forum that was created to focus on adult children and extended families. It sounds like you have a pretty clear take on what’s going and know you can’t do much about it. I think being part of my Web-community would serve you well and bring you support. You will get multiple suggestions and points of view. http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise

  6. A. June 19, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    I will. Thank you. I really need it. I want to be all loving. My family is small and full of elderly people. I want so much to be a good DIL, as soon my in-laws will be all the family that I have left. A.

  7. S. July 7, 2011 at 2:06 am #

    Hi,
    Just wanted to share my story. I’m DIL, in my MIL’s eyes probably a bad one as she can’t see anything wrong with her behaviour and why we are where we are today. No I haven’t taken her son from her, i would never want to spoil their relationship (although she’s ruined our marriage), she’s still seeing her grandson, we are visiting her and she’s visiting us but relationship between the two of us is cold.
    In the beginning, when i was just her son’s girlfriend our relationship was great, we used to meet up for lunch and go shopping together, we used to go to the gym and take aqua fitness classes… It was great and I couldn’t praise her enough. I said to my SIL how lucky she is to have such a wonderful MIL. I will never forget the expression of utter shock on her face and I’ll never forget the words she said :’if your relationship with T ever becomes serious, you will meet the real M, mark my words’.
    And unfortunately I met the real deal. It all started on the day we announced our engagement. She turned ice cold towards me. Than I let her plan the wedding, my parents live miles away so I thought it would be nice. Everything was to her liking including the guest list, I had to fought real hard to pick my own wedding dress. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to wear my SIL’s dress (ridiculous, girl never offered anyway) imagine two sets of wedding photos on the wall and both of her sons brides in the same dress. Anyhow, fast forward to my hen do, she had too much to drink and verbally attacked me for making plans behind her back with the girl I just met (all the guests were invited by her, my husbands cousins I never met before, only girl invited by me was made unwelcome and had left he party). My SIL told me that’s what I’m getting myself into and it’s not too late to change my mind. I didn’t, I stayed polite and put this episode down to wedding nerves.
    Fast forward few months, I was pregnant and got a bleeding, my husband was away and I rang her, she arrived 2 hours later and instead of taking ne to the hospital she took me to her house and went to bed.
    I lost the baby. Few months later I had one more miscarriage. Finally, a year or so later I had a successful pregnancy, we took her and my FIL on holidays with us, I was 5 months pregnant, couldn’t stand a heat and she wouldn’t let me open the umbrella so I went to the apartment, she followed me, initiated a row, then bursted into tears and went down to get the boys. To cut the story short I had to appologise to her in front of everyone for the things I never said or did and they believed her cos she’s ‘a saint’ and she can never do anything wrong. I learned a lot about my husband that day, she cometely controls him although he was 36 at the time. And he never took my side. He turned a cold shoulder towards my family from that day and he can’t forgive me for having an argument with his mum and telling her how much her behaviour hurts me. She was verbally nasty to me many times before but I never told him as I didn’t want to involve him, but that day I learned that he wouldn’t believe me anyway. And that pain is still here and I can’t shake it off, I have no love left for my husband. When baby was born he took her to the hospital with him to collect me, she pushed me out if the cubicle and dressed my son, than on the way to the car she told me I won’t be breastfeeding as she wants to bond with the baby by giving him bottles. The problem is she said all those things when noone is around, in front of her son and other members of the family she’s as nice as pie.
    Sorry for such a long rant, I had to take it out. I’m thinking of leaving my husband as our relationship is ruined and the trust is broken. I had one silly argument with her where she accused me of wanting to take her son of her and I lost it and told her how hurt I am cos of there accusations when none of it is true. My family lives far away and I always wanted to fit in and regarded her as a second mum. I made mistake of not telling him from the day one how she treats me, as I didn’t want to get between them, as I had uncle who’s wife was DIL from hell and he haven’t seen my gran for over
    20 years because of her.
    So, there’s always two sides to the story, or one side is really nasty. I don’t think all MIL’s are nasty just
    because I have one. But please don’t think that all DIL’s are nasty either, cos they are not. I’m so heartbroken over this situation.
    S.

    • Luise July 7, 2011 at 8:47 am #

      Bless your heart. Please come over to my Web-forum, http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com and join my community of women who are dealing with issues concerning adult childlren and extended families. You will get multiple perspectives there plus support and understanding. Blessings, Luise

  8. J. July 17, 2011 at 7:57 am #

    Hi Luise, It’s nice but sad too see so many other MIL’s having the same issue as I. My son will be getting married this October and I dread it. I have done everything in my power to make his fiance comfortable and a part of our family. But I always seem to get grief. I always seems to offend her in some way. I am so confused. Must I walk on eggs the rest of my life around this girl? I feel like she is looking for things to complain about, meanwhile my husband and I have done so much for my son and her. I understand that I need to accept that this is his choice and that I probably need to make the best of the situation. My son won’t even let me have a conversation with her in fear that she may get upset. He treats her like a piece of glass and the hell with the rest of us. I need help!!! I have shown her all the respect in the world, don’t I deserve the same. J.

    • Luise July 23, 2011 at 7:43 am #

      Oh, if all of us only were able to get what we deserved. It often doesn’t work out that way…and that is about others…not us. Please come over to my women’s Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com You will meet others there who are up against the same thing and who are helping each other. Blessings, Luise

  9. E. September 12, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

    It’s wrong to assume that because your son now has his own family and life, and he and his own new family decide to move and do their own things in life, that it is some conspiracy against you by a daughter in law, who is now (rightly) the most important person in her husband’s life. E.

  10. L. September 12, 2011 at 10:18 pm #

    Well, you raise them to grow up and have their own families, so LET them!L.

    • M. December 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

      So that means not see or speak to your family? M.

  11. Luise September 17, 2011 at 11:58 am #

    DIL – Please consider coming over to my Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com . I think you would find support there. There are no easy answers and you sound like you are really up against it. WWU is a loving community of women struggling with these issues. Blessings, Luise

  12. M. September 27, 2011 at 8:40 am #

    This is the writer: 4914. I know your pain. Continue to Delight yourself in God, he will fill the void and dry the tears. Yes it hurts, really bady, but you must go on with your life, don’t allow the blind sideness of your son cause you to die unhappy. LIVE YOUR LIFE. I have chosen to move on with much prayer We will overcome this. Everyone says don’t do this, and don’t say that so you will not loose your son. I feel unless our sons have lost their minds, they need to wise up before losing their mothers, Don’ thow your momma away, M.

  13. M. September 27, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    My son has 3 children and his wife has 4, my son’s children don’t know much about me, so I asked my son if it would offend anyone if I spent some time with just his 3 sometimes, Oh we are talking different races,and it’s important for each person to know their culture, period. He said it would be fine, the next thing I know I get a text asking why I hate her. I have not asked again, and will not ask again. Life if too short and when you have spent your life raising your children and they become adults, they too will see the road they are paving and how hard it will be to cross sometimes. So I cry, pray and keep it moving. It’s all I can do. Time to live my life. This may seem cruel to some, but if you haven’t walked in another persons shoes you really never know what they have gone through. I feel my son knows where I am, if he wants to have a relationship with his family he will, and if he doesn’t, Oh well, I wish them well. Time to travel. M.

  14. A October 4, 2011 at 11:18 pm #

    HI, DIL here with major MIL problems. I grew up in a different country where we respected elders etc. I met and married my husband in the US. He is a very loving and caring person, always wanting to do the right thing. My MIL has taken a dislike to me so much so that even when I do something for her she does not want to acknowledge it at all. I have always felt like an outsider in family gatherings and my MiL has made comments that I am not social with the family. Now as far as I was concerned, we were Ok witheach other then a few days ago she starts making comments that I never do this that and the other. It ended in a screaming match with her coming towards me with her hands going for my throat saying she would kill me. She said this in front of her husband,mine and my 2 DDs. My hubby said lets leave and she accused me of wanting this to happen, and told my hubby (her son) that he did notcare about her. Now she is turning all the other women in the family against me and I just feel very alone and hurt and bullied. I dont know how to handle this. Please help! A.

    • Luise October 9, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

      A. Please come over to my Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com where you will get the benefit of a community of women, many of whom are up against the same thing. Blessings, Luise

      • Y. November 19, 2013 at 10:30 pm #

        I wish my further mother in-law can accept me as a further daughter in-law
        and hope they can understand me more.
        i hope one day can accept me as soon as possiable.
        I really like your son and love your love.mother. Y.

  15. Cats October 9, 2011 at 5:45 am #

    In my situation it is totally a problem they have with their own backgroud (mothers ) about which they have talked to me about.
    Now act as if these same mothers wonderful. I try to outsmart them with love and I handle what I have to completely as if I don’t see anything. My sons r not aware the intensity of the situation and I made my mind up a long time ago I would not be the one making them aware,I am very hurt.I was always very close with my boys and intend to stay so albeit they don’t talk as we did, but that is ok I have let go, but will never in my heart,I will not put them in the middle ever I have changed things socially, my sons may notice one day however I will still not stoop to those DIL levels. My biggest pain is my lovely daughter as they r ostricising her, she is the middle child and a very kind hearted and loyal person, she has gone through an abusive relationship,my sons have been there for her ( That is where the jealousy comes in) lost her daughters money from settlement from being constantly in court bcos left when daughters only 3 weeks old as it was starting on the child. I am so proud of her it has been going on (hell) for 41/2 yrs and these girls both know what this man has done to her their ostricising my darling grandaughter also. She doesn’t have family that cares for her only us,how can these girls be so cruel. I have had to support my daughter a little financially a loy emotinally and we have got her help she has come through so well and such a good mother,when she has felt like ending it all sometime, now these to awful girls it is all done so secretly as abusers do operate this way,they r now inviting my husband and I to functions but not my daughter and her family,I will not be accepting al invitations just the one I choose to,I have faith my sons will notice, but I will still not barate their wives just tell them their wives aren;t like us and I will never say anything more about DIL I think then they may see things for themselves or may not either way I am making my life and also my daughter is doing,in a different direction I still phone and keep in touch with my grandkids and our sons, who I might add sometimes ask me to have the kids a full week the other day I didn’t tell him I hadnt seen them for 6 monh we can’t change these girls too much jealousy. I might add my dear daughter met a lovely man they r now married, he is aware but talks to the guys at work one has done it before my son dnt turn against me so we all still keep in touch and find that these girls r now having to watch their Ps and Qs obviuosly they wanted our family to start it all and we didnt,one DIL did it before and my son came to talk to me yes she brought him into it I didnt and I told him always to remember that he asked me to talk to his wife and she had to talk with me and it worked out, but I never trusted her again and see she has done ot again, well she can bring him into it again cos I wont do that to him, she is a good wife and mother just a mean DIL and SIL. will never be the same evr again with her I will always know how to handle her always have and always will.Dont let them control u (bullys) that is what they r and control freaks and so so jealous of you and your sons.Keep sending things to your grandchildren as they get older they may see u for themselves not through DIL eyes,these girls will nbe seen sometime I am certain of that. Love and understanding to u all u deserve better,insist on that Cats x

  16. G. October 19, 2011 at 9:04 am #

    Am I wrong in thinking that our sons shouldnt allow any disrespect to their mother? I may be old school or something but I’m just horrified sometimes by the stuff that my narcissist d in law says to me and about me. I know for a fact that my son would never speak to or say those things about his wifes mother. And if he did, I’d be the first to tell him about it! I dont understand.. I’m saddened by this horrible illness. Just today, I’ve decided no contact at all with my d in law is best. My son is good with this. My granddaughter has been staying weekends at our house since she was about 4 weeks old. She is extremely close to us. She truly believes that our house is her weekend house. I’ve been threatened, and harrassed for the past 3 years by my d in law that she is “going to make some changes” that, “I wont see her again”. All kinds of foul language. Ugh.. all I can say is its just disgusting! Also, she txts me non stop hateful things one day out of every two weeks. I’ve told her, you wanna talk?, call me.. Nope, just txting.. So now each time she txt me, I dont answer by txt and call her instead. She wont answer the phone and proceeds with the txting! Anyway, I told my son the only thing I can do is to call her bluff on her threat yesterday about taking my granddaughter. So I did. I said make any changes you feel you need to. I had to take that one threat she has away.. Today, no more talking about it. I refuse to have my d in law in my life in any way shape or form from now on. My son is aware and agrees with me because he’s seen the txts she sends and the emails. She has gone as far as to send me nasty messages all day long and delete them and show my son the ones I sent back to her and cried why is your mom bothering me??!! Wow! Our family has always been very close. My d in law has done this to every single person in our family. She is no longer allowed at any of his brothers houses, he’s lost good friends, jobs, you name it because of this sick individual. I dont even know how to write everything that has happened and make it sound right so I’ll quit here. Narcissism is a bad, nasty, mental illness.G.

  17. K., October 19, 2011 at 9:17 am #

    You know. I’m having the same problem from the flip side. My mother in law (we’ll just call her B for now) hates me. She hates anyone her sons (and she has 3) get involved with. Were married and she still introduces me as his “Friend”. She has literally told me I was “stealing her son” away from her.

    Bear in mind that my husband calls her every night to see how she is, and goes home for brunch on the weekends, without me.

    Yet, I can picture her posting exactly what you wrote. I would suggest you look at your own behavior (because every story has two sides) and see what you have done to make this worse. Then stop doing it. I know it would make me like B a lot more.K.

    • M. December 6, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

      Exactly! Actually 3 sides to a story and you might not be saying everthing you do. SO LOOK AT YOURSELF. M.

  18. E. October 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

    My grandson27, getting married on March 20 and having reception on March 23, my birthday. He is getting married in City Hall and only her mother/father and his mother, stepfather, three siblings and best man invited.
    Over the past years, I literally helped bring him up due to an absentee drug ridden non supportive father, he lived in my home for the past seven years and off and on with his mother before that time, I bought him his first car for work, I gave him $15,000 as a gift after the sale of my mother’s house. Over the past seven years he has broken many valuable things in my home and refused to take responsibility for them, last year brought a large doberman in my home who chewed up some of my valuable furniture and his response was that as far as he was concerned, I should get a professional to repair it but he is not going to pay. I have given him so much and yet he doesn’t appear to have any empathy or warmth towards his own family but caters to her family because they have money. Is my grandson a psychopath? E.

    • Luise October 27, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

      E. Your grandson sounds more like a “use” than wnything else. He seems to lack respect. I’d stop giving and doing and if necessary, caring… until he stops his abusive beahvior.

  19. C. October 26, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

    I want to say I totally understand what yall are all talkin bout…and Im not in a Mother in law/Daughter in law battle…I just wanted to say ..as I feel for each abnd every one of you..Because my son’s first wife was a total evil person as was her family…thank good he got out of that marriage before he passed away …
    as for me ..I have THE MOST WONDERFUL Inlaws..I didnt think it possible to have Inlaws as great as mine are..my first set was ok but NOT as good as these are .I hope each of you would be able to experience such a wonderful closeness as i feel to my mom in law and dad. C.

  20. G. November 8, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    I am a married man in his thirties and I’ve seen and understood it all. The fact of the matter is “Women hate their mother in law”. Plain and simple. When a woman gets married, she would naturally see her MIL as a competitor (does my MIL have more love for my husband or do I?). She’s in-secured and jealous towards her MIL from day one of her marriage. Their relationship is like that Israel and Palestine. There can be only 4 possible scenarios but in all the 4 scenarios, there are fights between MIL and DIL (The 4 scenarios are (1) MIL good and DIL wicked (2) DIL good and MIL wicked (3) Both MIL and DIL wicked, and (4) Both MIL and DIL good). My wife also had bitter relations and distrust towards my mom from day one. I had a vision from day one of my marriage that always love our wife and do everything giving her priority in life. I never asked my mom/dad or sister when we made any plans to go out, I would never chat with them for too long, making my wife insecure. I’ve always lived like an independent husband because I knew in my heart that the moment I would lean towards my mom/dad/sister in any way, my wife may not like it. So I have always kept that attitude towards life. But still, my wife could never trust me, my parents, or my sister. In fact, my wife and I had lived independently for the first 3 years of our marriage and she NEVER had to interact with my parents during all that time. We had so much fun during the first 3 years. But as soon as my parents arrived, my life became so miserable in spite of me being so open to my wife and constantly assuring her (through words and actions) that I love her even more than my parents or sister. So finally I understood that it’s just that girls have a natural bitterness and enmity in their hearts towards their MIL. I tried to explain this to my wife so much that she just naturally hates my mother, she would just be in denial and tell me that that’s not true. I also told my wife plainly (in a nice way of course) that when our two sons will get married, we will get DILs that will (from day one) hate you so much (even though you try to do nice things for them). I told my wife that we both will try to stay as far away from our married sons and will never interfere in their affairs after their marriage. Yes, I told her in plain words that girls hate their MILs, and she would only understand this bitter fact of life once she’ll become a MIL. G.

    • Luise November 11, 2011 at 10:51 pm #

      Like all generalizations…what you write is true sometimes. At other times it is not. I have a Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnit.com where both sides of this issue are shared and great deal of healing is taking place. The opposite of often true, as well…and totally lovely DILs are hated by their MILs before they even get to meet them. It would serve you well is you were open to having one of them join your clan.

  21. G. November 23, 2011 at 10:54 am #

    Luise, I know it’s not always the case, sometimes even the MILs are jealous of good DILs and they treat them badly. However, if there are 100 MILs and DILs, 90 of the DILs hate their MILs and may be 10 of MILs would treat their DILs badly. I am an immigrant in the US. I sat down with a pen and paper and wrote down the names of about 35 girls. Guess what, all these 35 girls got married, and effectively kicked their FIL and MIL out of the house, and conveniently called their own parents from our country, and lives with them. And now she’ll expect her husband to live with his in-laws even though his in-laws may have more weaknesses than his parents. The DILs always badmouth their MILs in front of other people. They never have anything good to say about their MILs. There are more cases of DILs simply hating their MILs than vise versa. I am convinced of this fact. The ball is almost always in the court of the DIL. She can choose to be patient if she wants. But if she just has a natural hatred towards her in-laws, then she’ll always keep finding faults in her in-laws. I have seen very very few cases where the MIL is wicked and she always causes a stir in the house (I am sure there are a few cases like that). G.

  22. L. November 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    I am a DIL to a very needy, selfish and manipulative woman. I have been married for 6 years and have just recently realized that there is no pleasing her and that it is not my fault. I’m sure she would have the same sad stories as some of the MILs that have commented. She begs to see more of her grandchildren and to be more involved in their lives. She would undoubtedly paint me as the horrible woman who stole her son and keep her from her grandchildren. The problem is that I can never give her enough, and I will never put her feelings before my children or my marriage, and that is what she expects. When my first son was born, we visited often, and she held my son constantly. I had to physically pry her hands from him to take him to nurse. Holding my newborn wasn’t enough, she wanted to me to “go for a walk”, or “take a nap” or otherwise leave the room. When I obliged, she wanted me to leave him overnight and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be separated from my nursing baby. She was “hurt” and made me look like the bad guy. Since that time, she has begged and pleaded to be more involved in our life. Is it so unreasonable to ask that this woman appreciate the time that she has with us and stop begging for more more more? If she weren’t so demanding and unpleasant to be around, we would surely want to spend more time with her. L.

    • Luise November 28, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

      L. – Nope, you’re not one of “those” DILs. It’s not unreasonable to wish your MIL would appreciate what you offer but it’s not going to happen. She is self-absorbed and insecure and wants to live her life through you. If you let her, you would have no authority in your home or with your children. She isn’t going to change, in all probabliity, and you are going to have to hold her at arms length for ages. She isn’t going to get a life. Good for you for taking a stand and good for your husband for backing you. If you need support, please come over to my Web-forum for women who have issues with adult children and extended families. You will find you are not alone in this. You will also find caring and sharing…listening and understanding. in our coommunity. And often healing takes place there even when things stay the same. We are at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise

  23. R.. November 28, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    My son is engaged to a girl I cannot stand. We have had a number of arguements. I am torn as to whether I should go to the wedding. It is not a happy day for the rest of our family as no one likes her at all. I have spent thousands on helping them to get set up and also been helping them with bills for a number of years now and felt sorry because money was tight for them. Only to find she has been squirrelling money away which my son did not have access too. We have had a number of arguements with her. I have helped out with babysitting and school transports because she lost her drivers license. She is very selfish, resorts to domestic violence on my son, uses people and now wants to move some 2 hours from where they live now whih means my son has to drive 2.5hrs one way to get to work. He has another daughter to another girl some 7 yrs ago and has always her on 50/50 shared custody. Now with this move he will only see her every 2nd weekend (when not working) and school hols. The sons fiance wants to put her son (to another fellow currently in jail) into a particular school in the new area but seems willing to sacrifice my sons first daughter to achieve this. My son and this girl have another daughter together whom I love to death. She has told me I can only see her when my son says I can. I know when they move I will rarely if ever see them. I am very upset about the whole situation and feel I am losing my son. R.

    • Luise November 28, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

      R. – As far as I know there is nothing you can do about any of it. Your son made a choice and he is paying the price. If and when he has had enough…things may change. I would go to the wedding just on the off chance I might wish I had later for some reason…but I would close the purse strings. The move sounds nuts to me but your son is caving in and backing her up. None of it makes any sense and you deserve so much better. My gues is that it’s time to get a life that has nothing to do with all of it. You can’t be with grandchildren you are not allowed to see. The whole thing rests on your son’s shoulders and he’s not taking a stand.

  24. D. November 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    You MIL’s are very paranoid and think that all DIL’s are out to seperate you from them- we’re not- we just want your son’s to grow up and cut the apron strings !

    We do not “lay the ground work” – we just want your sons to be a man and stop being such babies.

    Let your sons be men and grow up – they are SUPPOSED to leave the nest and be with their wives and raise their families. You guys think because they a new woman in their life they don’t love you – they still do- but they have to grow up and live their life and you need to let them !

    I have a crazy mother in law who met me at the door with a shotgun threatening to kill me for “taking away her “little boy” I pulled down his pants and showed her that he’s “Not a little boy” anymore !

    She stopped that crap right there and then.

    LET THEM GO – LET THEM GROW UP AND BE REAL MEN! D.

    • N. June 4, 2013 at 10:35 am #

      Grow up you say???? Then the daughter-in-law will need to stop treating her husbands parents as if they are ATM machines! If you want to grow up, quit expecting a check to fund your dream every step of the way. As parents of the son, we have feelings too. My daughter in law is on baby # 4 and has been married to our son for 10 years. She has NEVER worked one day………….expects us to pay for a vast majority of things while she pumps out children they can not afford. We think about the children and continue the madness by enabling them. I guess we are very caring and loving people or are just STUPID! N.

      • Luise Volta June 4, 2013 at 10:55 am #

        N – Please consider coming over to the my Web-forum that is focused on adult children and extended families. A very supportive “family” will welcome you there. Blessings, Luise

  25. B. December 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    I have read all the comments and I am a MIL with a DIL who has problems. I have done everything that I know to try to get to know her before and after they married. She and my son never had time for us before they married, they were always doing something or going somewhere, which is understandable to a point then it just comes down to whether they want to be around you or not. We do not know her or her famiy. They have been married for about a 1 1/2 years and are expecting a baby. I am hoping that things will improve but I know that my son has allowed for her to act in the way she has and continues to do so. He is just as responsible as she. I honestly don’t know her. A fine example of what she does is…we had paid for the rehearsal dinner when they married and she cancelled it and told my son to tell me that she hoped we could get our deposit back. We did not give any gift for the wedding after this happened because of this insult. They did have a rehearsal, this was the first of many things that she did to us. This was my son’s second marriage and her first. She has isolated my son from his family and friends. Now it is her family and her friends. We have just removed ourselves from the situation at hand and have accepted that if they want to be apart of our lives they will, if not, they won’t. I could go on and on but acceptance is key for you to move on and realize that you did everything you could to raise them with values and to be responsible and sensitive and open to others regardless of age and race, sex etc. and realize that once they reach age of responsiblity for their actions, it is them, not us who is making the choices. They are the adults and responsible for their own actions. Thanks for having this special place to share . B.

    • Luise Volta December 10, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

      B. You’re welcome. Please come over to my Web-forum for women who have issues with their adult children and extended families. You will fit right in. http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise

    • C. August 22, 2012 at 6:05 pm #

      I have a son in the Airforce and got a girl pregnant which is now his wife. Me and my DL didn’t have any problems until her mother realized we had a good relationship, that is when all my trouble started. I have tried to help them and walked on egg shells because of fear I wouldn’t be allowed to be apart. I have a 7 mos granddaughter that I love and brings me such joy. Well everything came to a head with my DL and son 2 days ago. She has lied and has my son believing I am the devil and I can no longer be apart of my son’s and granddaughter’s life. Then today my DL’s mother put on Facebook that my son is being depoyed. I am heart broken and feel like I am going to lose my mind and have no idea what I should do. I am not perfect but I tried so hard and put up with pain and hurt for the last 16 mos. my DL is all about her family and I know everything can’t be 50/50 all the time but I would be happy if I received respect and got 20%. Please help me, how can I learn to deal with this? C.

      • Luise Volta August 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

        C – I think you need multiple viewpoints on this and a support system…not just a single response. Please come over to my Web-forum. I will be there and so will many others who have dealt with the same kind of problem. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise

  26. A. January 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    My story seems to be bit different but some how hope some one might have an answer.
    Am an asian girl and my fiance is a European guy. He made a request for me that its better if i can spend some days with his parents for new year how ever before marriage its better to know MIL and FIL better. Apparently there is not problem with MIL but she doesnt like me at all no matter how much i love my guy. its really hurting some one doesnt like me because am darker than her son. Am an asian not an african me and my guy having a color difference but its not too much. She doesnt really show her dislike for me but after i left his place she had used very bad words when her son asking her if she likes me. Her son is desperate and of course he will leave his place and his country both and we will settle some where else. But since he is the only child i dont like being selfish when his parents old i was really expecting to treat them like my own. But now how can i look after some one who doesnt even like me. Any one having any solution what i can do to make her like me.. because i cant really forget because of her i have got my fiance in my life.. i dont like that bond between son and mum being bad. A.

    • Luise Volta January 14, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

      A. Please consider coming over to my Web-forum at http://WWW.WiseWomenUnite.com where a community of caring women share their issues and work on solutions. I would like you to have the benefit of dialoging about your issue with others, not just me. (And I will be there.) Blessings, Luise

  27. E. January 15, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

    When I was growing up one of the things that I looked forward to when I had my own family was my children spending time with their grandparents. I had great relationships with my maternal grandparents, but not my paternal grandparents, and I was not going to have my children face a similar fate. I met my husband online (way before it was cool to do so) in 1995, right out of high school. After a year of dating my MIL went from liking me to NOT because I agreed with her son that if he wanted to go to school he should. Throw in a remark that my mom married my dad for money (which is a joke, mom had more $$ than my dad), and a small petty spat in the mix with my boyfriend. I didn’t feel exactly ready to go over to their house for a birthday party/dinner with them that year. My husband understood, we had made up, and we would meet later. I was 17 at the time. Apparently I had “ruined” his birthday. This would lead to several months of harassment from her, and her not talking to me. My husband bought me a promise to get an engagement ring, ring. She found out about it and told him, that when we break up, she is getting that ring. Of course that did not happen, and he called her a couple of years later to tell her we were getting married. Her exact words were, “Are you just just marrying her because we don’t like her?”. Several years we were ignored, until his dad’s mom passed away. It was an awkward reunion, but I was being there for my husband. At one point he had gotten sleepy and fell asleep on the sofa and I had the “nerve” to try to wake him up. He was my lifeline at his grandpa’s house. I was on crutches, so I couldn’t even go take a nice walk somewhere. Well from that moment on we talked for a little while, not a real relationship, but one where I could tolerate all of her rude comments to me. I moved away, and then she REALLY got buddy buddy with me, because she wanted me to fly out to see them, since instead of 15 minutes away, we were not 34 hours away. We even got a card, “Think romance, make babies” well that month, I found out I was pregnant. I ended up with Post-Partum Depression VERY bad that I was put on disability to get myself together. We had to move back to her town. My hubby found a job sooner than expected so they let us stay there for 2 months while we still paid on our other apartment. During that 2 months, she proceeded to make my life a living %@#$!!! I was not supposed to be alone with my son, and she would yell at my husband for helping me out, saying it was my responsibility. I was yelled at to make the baby shut up, of course my husband was out working at the time, so I couldn’t lean on him for any help. I was on so many meds to try to feel better, and this was not helping. We moved into our own place and she complained that we moved too far away. We lived 15-20 minutes from her house. This started more arguments. Then she didn’t like the 3 rules that we had for our son 1.) No racist comments in front of him, 2.) No swearing, & 3.) No peanut butter (he wasn’t allowed to have it yet). They didn’t know that our son came with so many rules. They proceeded to make fun of my son when he got Christened that he was in a Christening Gown, and how dare I put him in a dress. How dare I let my son go to church, how dare I want to put him in a private school. We had to beg her to take pictures for his 1st birthday party. She pouted and made a scene because non family members were not invited to this shoot that my dad paid for. Only my husband and son were invited to their house the first Christmas we spent out here, I told my husband (I regret it now) to go and maybe when she gets her sanity back, we can enjoy Christmas together. So the following Christmas we invited her to our house Christmas afternoon, which was my husband’s only day off. She said no, she wouldn’t come over to my house, and only my husband and my son were allowed over her house. My husband stood up for me and said he was not going to be a single dad like he was the year before. She quipped back that I guess he doesn’t need family, she will let the rest of the family know. She further stated she gave away all of his Christmas Presents to charity (my son doesn’t need them, it was just rude) and that also included donating the presents that her sister mailed to my son, and she did NOT want them donated, she wanted my son to have them. One of the most crazy things she ever said (which started our first spat when I was 17) was that “Only stupid people go to college, and you (meaning my husband) was too stupid to go). Well now this woman misses out out on the most amazing little boy who is now 3. My FIL is not allowed to talk to my husband because it will cause a fight with my MIL. They have not spoken in over a year. This is their only grandchild, and will probably be their only grandchild. This was our miracle baby… What hurts more than anything, is that I know it hurts my husband deep down. This woman does not need to like me, I do not need to like her, she should know how to be cordial enough so that she would not have missed out on his last two birthday parties. While most people tell me I should hate this woman…. I cannot…. She gave birth to my wonderful husband (I have no idea how he turned out normal) who in turn, gave me our beautiful son. My husband’s late grandmother warned me when I was 18, that this woman will pick on someone in the family to fight with (for YEARS) and I was going to be a good choice, because I was stealing her baby away. What is so sad, is that my MIL & FIL recently discovered a LOVE for hockey (and they used to make fun of my being into sports), and they go quite often 45 minutes away to the local AAA Hockey games. I thought that it would be a wonderful bond for them to have, just as I had a bond of baseball with my grandpa. Sadly, these stories are just barely scratching the surface. E.

    • Luise Volta January 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm #

      E. Too much drama, too much “he said/she said.” It’s easy to get hooked on it. Let it all go and just try to get on with your life. Blessings. Luise

  28. M.J. August 12, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    I am a widow, have been a widow for 24 years. Seven years ago my son and daughter-in-law asked me to move in with them when they b ought a home. After careful consideration, and because my daughter-in-law were very close I decided to move in with them. I retired three years ago because they were having difficulty with child care. I have two teen age granddaughters. Unfortunately our relationship had gone down hill since I retired. She finds fault in me, and becomes angry if i discipline the girls. I do not spank, but I do talk to them whenever they do something unacceptable. My daughter-in-law seems to feel as if the girls do nothing wrong, even though she says she knows they aren’t perfect. She is very permissive, and I’m strict, and my husband and I raised our children with rules and were strict. I know I am not perfect, I know at times I can be difficult, but my daughter- in law seems to feel she does nothing wrong. everything seems to be my fault. Recently i found, by accident, something she wrote about me. It was so negative, i was so shocked and upset. But I decided to tell her how sorry i was that I had done things to upset her, and to ask her forgiveness. She wouldn’t look me in the eye, and only said she was sorry she didn’t tell me when I irritated her, but did not say she forgive me. I am ready to move out to an apartment. I am70 and in good health, I just do not know what to do. I have been avoiding her, staying in my room, and feeling bad about myself. What do you think? M.J.

    • Luise Volta August 13, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

      M. J.- It’s time to move. In your DIL’s home her rules apply. You don’t need to agree but you need to carry out her wishes. They are her children. You raised your children your way…now this is about it being her way, without judgment. As as said, it’s time to move. Blessings, Luise

  29. B. December 18, 2012 at 12:07 am #

    son always obey to his mother. son is the only one in the family with 2 sisters. mother used to get son to solve any issue in the house. one day, son start to argue with mother why she is not fair to him between siblings. he felt unhappy with mother due to the unfairness. son brought the matter to mother as wife complaint. mother now is upset with son.

    1. is the wife did the wrong thing that she shouldn’t be complaining? but wife not happy seeing that mother treat son like that….
    2. what can they do on such situation?

    please advise B.

    thank you.

  30. Luise March 25, 2009 at 3:55 pm #

    Dear M. and D. Also know that my son, Kirk, is creating us a Forum on the Web where we can interact on this subject in a less cumbersome way. Stay tuned! Blessings, Luise

Leave a Reply