Question: Dear Luise: I’m having this major problem. I am 15 years old and I am engaged to boy who I have known for a little more than two years. During these 2 years we have had several break ups due to me/him moving or wanting to see other people. I am living with him and his mother. I have been for 5 months. I thought we were in love but now I’m having doubts. I’m finding myself wanting to get out and be with other people. I know I shouldn’t be engaged. I don’t want to be anymore. I want see other people and live my teenage life while I still can. The only thing stopping me is that I believe we have a future together and I don’t want to ruin it. I don’t want to hurt him again. Also, if I leave him I will have to move back with one of my parents, that means changing schools. I love the school that I’m in now. What do I do? E.
Answer: Dear E.: Good for you for noticing that you have made some adult decisions you weren’t ready to make and as a result you are having to forfeit some of the teen fun waiting for you “out there.”
I think the first thing to do is talk with your boyfriend’s mother and let her know that you aren’t ready for the situation you have gotten yourself into. You are living there for free, right? The only way it would work for you to stay and continue in the school that is working so well for you is to level with her and offer to pay room and board “if” she is willing to have you stay on. That may involve your having to get a job. She may be very relieved that both you and her son are going to take a step back…whether he wants to or not. Who knows what you might mean to each other down the road, it’s probably too soon to tell.
You have to talk with him right away, too, of course. Most of us are still pretty much kids at 15. There are some exceptions to the rule. For instance, the Valedictorian of my high school class got engaged at 15 and married at 17 and it was a great success. At 15, I was still focused on Girl Scouts! LOL!
The more open you are with both your guy and his mom, the better chance you have of sorting all of this out. Writing to me shows that you are capable of taking responsibility for how you feel and what you need. Blessings, Luise
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