Question: Dear Luise: I’ve been going on and off with a man for several years. We do fine for a while and then he takes up with someone else, and drops me. After a while he comes back and shows an interest again. I keep thinking that he’s going to get this out of his system and that if he keeps coming back, we have a future. I just don’t know if that’s true. How should I handle it? Maude T.
Answer: Dear Maude: This kind of thing has to work for both people. It’s my guess that you have a guy with an itchy foot who really likes the arrangement. He may not be coming back because you are the one. It could also be because you are handy when he’s between conquests.
If you were a woman who also liked to wander and move from person to person, you might keep this going indefinitely. However, it sounds like you hope it will turn into something more. Think again. The handwriting is on the wall.
What you do about it depends on what you want. It sounds like you must like the guy, or why would you still be answering the phone when he calls? Think this through carefully…is less, best? I would be inclined to tell him that the “on-again-off-again, Finnegan” thing has run it’s course.
When we decide to accept less we often think we don’t deserve more. You might want to look at your life and see where it needs shoring up. Could you expand your friendships with other women? Could you extend your hobbies? Would you benefit from working with a self-help group of some kind? Where could you add some spice to your life that would offer the flavor of self-worth?
Remember, if you have put yourself into a holding pattern you can reverse that. It’s a matter of choice. Why call it loneliness? You could call it freedom! Blessings, Luise
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