Question: Dear Luise: I have two problems that I need help with. 1. I just made 14, I could have a good social life if my mom wasn’t so protective. She knows everything about something or anybody. I have no privacy, anywhere, anytime. She doesn’t allow me to hang out with certain people because of things she has HEARD about them, not stuff that she knows is true. Is there anything i can do to make her less protective? 2. As you read above, I just made 14, and the guy I REALLY like is 15. We’re not dating yet because of my mom. She doesn’t like him at all, but she really hasn’t given him a chance. She doesn’t like him because of the stuff he used to do and things she has heard about him. He used to do ecstasy and smoke weed, but he has changed, he may smoke weed once or twice a month when he is with certain people but that’s it. She won’t allow me to hang out with him, the only time we see each other is at school and when we go behind her back. When it’s just me and him, every thing is perfect. He’s so sweet, and he makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she just doesn’t seem to understand how we feel about each other; and every time I try to talk to her about it, we end up getting in a fight. I just need for her to understand and give him a chance. How can i talk to her about it calmly? What should I do? C.
Answer: Dear C.: Good for you for looking for solutions. That’s probably what your mom is trying to do, too. You are seeing a great guy and having a lovely experience and she is seeing red flags everywhere and is afraid. Both of you want the other one to understand because you care about each other. No wonder you are fighting.
Part of the problem, or maybe even most of it, is that you just left age 13 and he is what, 15 1/2 or close to 16? When you are older you will find that 2 1/2 to 3 years difference is no big deal but it is now. Every year that you are a teen is packed with learning and growing and later on that’s not true. Because of this, you need to do it your way and he needs to do it his. He already has a past he’s trying to live down and you are just stepping into your teens.
Of course your mother is afraid. Anything you say in defense of your friendship with him makes her more afraid. She wants the best for you and girls your age can get derailed. One moment they are feeling on top of the world and the next, for one reason or another, it’s all over before it hardly got started.
Really liking someone at you age especially can become close to an obsession. For that reason, it’s hard to know what is safe and practical and what’s dangerous and risky. What’s calling to you is romance and adventure. Becoming an adult looks like it’s a lot closer than it is, and being a kid dims in comparison.
This can be the best time in you life or it can become your worst nightmare. The hardest part is that you can’t do it over if you don’t get it right.
No matter how hard it is to do, I would opt to listen to your mom. The day will come when you will be incredibly grateful that you had one who cared. Blessings, Luise
No comments yet.