Question:Dear Luise: i’m fifteen years old and my parents are over controlling. i know that inot an adult yet and i can’t do anything about it right now but i was planning to move out when i turn eighteen, even though my parents won’t allow me but it won’t matter because i’ll be an adult. i know i probably sound like a teenager who isn’t thinking straight but i really hate living with them. they won’t allow me to have friends, or go anywhere without a family member. i can’t go to sleepovers or talk on the phone for more thatn fifteen minutes. i am not allowed to date until i’m atleast twenty two and when i can finally date my dad claims that i can’t date anyone and that if he doesn’t like him then i can’t date him. also i can’t move out until i’m married and i can’t get married until i’m finished with college. and when i’m finally married i can’t do whatever i want. I can’t live with all of these restrictions and the fact that they expect me to follow all of these rules even when i’m an adult is ridiculous. so do you think it would be reasonable to move out when i’m eighteen and get away from them or are their rules normal and acceptable. (by the way, they don’t listen to me so talking it out would not be an option.) N.
Answer: Dear N. I think you are a better judge than I am as to whether your parent’s rules are normal and acceptable. This often varies from culture to culture. What are the rules your friends are being asked to live by?
Your parents are terrified…that’s my take on it. Have you done anything to set them off or are they seeing the worst possible scenario all on their own?
Can you appeal to anyone…a relative or a church leader or a school counselor? I don’t know where you live and what the customs are but it sounds like you need an advocate. Do you plan to go to college? If so, how do they expect to control you there?
Frankly it doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m sure there are other girls at age 15 who may be under similar restrictions but I can’t imagine it lasting until they die of old age. That seems totally ridiculous and I’m sure it’s not going to provide permanent protection…if that’s their hope. It’s eventually going to drive you away. (Or it would me.)
I know it’s a scary world out there and if I had a daughter your age, I think I would be similarly terrified. The problem is that your parents are adding to the problem, in my view, not solving it. You have three years ahead of you to do as they say…then it’s up to you. I hope they have wised up and let up on you by then. Blessings, Luise
No comments yet.