Question: Dear Luise: My mom continuously threatens to call Children’s Aid just because I won’t do exactly what she wants when she wants it. I do not listen sometimes. I don’t even feel she loves me anymore. What should I do? R.
Answer: Dear R.: Good for you for facing up to the situation to some degree by writing about it.
Some moms panic as they see kids growing up. They see the freedom that is part of it and they see the choices that kids have to make. They may even remember their own teen years. It can be pretty overwhelming.
The answer often seems to be control. If every move is controlled, safety must result. Right? Not always. Kids bulk and for good reason at times. Then, threats come flying and distance just makes things worse.
No one ever does everything a mom requests/demands. No one. It wouldn’t even be healthy to become so mindless. However, you are going to have to do some of what is asked of you and not all of it is bad.
Do your best to make smart decisions. It is easy to add fuel to the fire and you don’t need that. Know that your mom loves you, always; she’s probably just scared to let go and may not know how. Blessings, Luise
Dear Luise,
My mom doesn’t even pay attention to me anymore she only pays attention to my cousin like earlier this morning i was singing and my cousin told me to shut up but i wouldn’t and my mom yelled at me just for singing!
It makes me feel like she doesn’t even love me like I’m not even her child anymore like my cousin is her son…..what should i do? L.
I would do everything possible to ignore her behavior. Moms are just people and they are far from perfect. She loves you, I guarantee it…and she is so lucky that you are singing. It is something she is going to miss when you grow up and leave home. Blessings, Luise
dear Luise,
i feel like my mom doesnt love me. i am the middle child. i feel like she likes my big sister cuz she is older and i feel like she likes my little brother cuz he is younger. but i feel like they never pay attention to me. i am 14. my sister is 16, and my brother is 4. before my brother was born, i used to be the yougest. Every time now, they always give my little brother everything and my parents just say cuz he`s younger. but when i used to be the youngest, i always had to get something if my sister got it too or else we`d both fight about it. any advice? W.
It’s totally unfair and I don’t think it has very much to do with you. People are often self-absorbed and unwise. I grew up pretty much invisible, too, and it’s the pits. I hope you are smarter than I was. I called attention to myself in any way I could think of and got more rejection for it (of course.) Do the best you can to find good friends to love and be loved by. I’m sending you love right now. Luise
no-one will ever hurt you again. I will do my very best and be there when you need me i want to put you to sleep again with a lulyby N.
My mom and her boyfriend had a baby. I dont live with them anymore but i visit often. He has a son one year older than me. They go to visit his parents every year in virgina. They are going again and once again said I cannot go. They are getting married and Im my moms first child I have never met his family. A.
Well, how dumb is that? You are being treated unkindly and shut out for no reason at all. Please come over to my Web-forum where issues with extended families are discussed and support is given. Blessings, Luise
i dont even know where to begin with this. my mom chooses her husband over me everyday an im sik of it he hates me he wont even let me ride in his truck an my mom never stands up 4 me he kicked me out an i have nowhere to go an they both know it an dont even care how do i make her love me. J.
Well, that was really dumb of them and totally unkind but you can’t make them be different than they are. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise
Dear Louise,
I have been dealing with a life long struggle with my mother. I’m 19 years old and I started my freshman year in college. Ever since I was a kid my mom never acted like a mother to me. She was never loving, she never would just sit and talk to me when I’m sad or angry. It seems to have gotten worse as the years have gone by. My mom only seems to care about my rAbbit who died last year and money. She always says I was a mistake and that I was never suppose to be here. It makes me sad that a lot of the times I am alone and I have to fend for myself. I always had to do that. I keep thinking what if I had a mother who actually would sit next and talk and smile and be happy and be proud. I’m going to college to be a nurse and my mother doesn’t seem to care about that either…. J.
I have a background very similar to yours and I, too, am a nurse. (Long ago retired.) Some people aren’t parent material. We get to have a life because of them…but we someohow aren’t in their lives. That’s about them, not us. You can’t change your mother…you have to go on without her because she can’t be any different. In my case that has eventually made me stronger. I learned to love myself once I understood that I deserved a lot better than I got. You can, too. It isn’t necessarily easy…we have to build a foundation of self worth and get that we matter because we say so. You matter because I said you do. You came to my Website after deciding that I matter because you said so. It isn’t too big a leap of faith to get that we have a deep well of acceptence within once we acces it. Get some counseling if you need to . I did. We are actually powerful beings.