Question: Dear Luise: My husband flirts with nearly every woman we come into contact with. Waitresses, office personnel, family members…any and all women who cross his path are fair game in his eyes. I am constantly embarrassed by this and have made it clear that I hate it, but he always says it’s harmless or he wouldn’t be doing it in front to me. Then he asks me if I’d prefer that he do it when he’s by himself, instead. I can’t get even with him by doing the same thing because I’m not remotely interested in making a fool of myself the way he does. This has been going on for years. Do you have any suggestions? Mae
Answer: Dear Mae: I’m curious to know if he acted this way when you were dating, or if he kept this lovely trait a secret until after you were married? Often we don’t see what we don’t want to see, but I have no idea in your case if that’s what happened or not.
Do you see the open threat in his remark about doing it when you’re not with him if you don’t put up with it? Also, what are the odds that he hasn’t always done it when you’re not with him?
This is one of those things that some women tolerate for all of their married lives and others refuse to condone for a minute. I have a friend who just smiles indulgently and fondly says, “Well, that’s just Walter.” (I kid you not.)
What’s taken you so long to get upset about it? “Years”…is a lot of looking the other way and complaining to deaf ears. Are other things going wrong so that you are less charmed by your charmer than you used to be?
All heck may break lose if you put your foot down, but you can if you want to. Just refuse to go anywhere with your Casanova. Have you ever thought about doing that? You don’t have to be blackmailed any longer. Tell him that if he wants to make a fool of himself when you’re not there, it’s his choice. However, you’re absolutely done with putting up with it ever again. If he doesn’t believe you, get up and leave or walk away. Go out with friends without asking him to join you…family, too. Show him that his “naughty-boy” persona isn’t cute, funny or even interesting. It never was. Blessings, Luise