Question: Dear Luise: I think all my mom cares about is her clothing, her make-up, and herself. She is a vain person, and is constantly lifting herself up by putting others down. She is also a very envious person. When I was 12 I weighed approx. 135 pounds; obviously not a healthy weight for my age! From there on out my mom was constantly saying how fat I was and saying I should “get my lazy ass off the couch and exercise.” Now I’m 13 and am 109 pounds – slim and happy. But my mom sees this change with disgust, now she comments: “you’re too skinny…you have no chest and you look like a twig…you’re ugly; gain some weight.” but I really think she’s saying this to me because she is jealous; (she’s been itching to shed some pounds herself for years). Sometimes she hurts my feelings when she screams at me, I don’t say anything. I can’t. So sometimes I just cry by myself when she leaves to work. My grandma lives with us, but sometimes I have the feeling she’s on my mom’s side. Anything can trigger my mom’s angry side. Anything. But just as easily she is angered how easily she can break down. Sometimes I have a feeling she might have some disorder. She also likes making rude – dare I say “obnoxious” – comments about me when we’re at someone else’s house. She says how “horrible” I am and that I am constantly “back-talking” to her and that I am a “liar.” I just sit there and say nothing. I wish I had another mom. J.
Answer: Dear J.: As of this moment, you have an e-mom. I can’t fix anything from out here in the e-world but I can send you love and understanding and respect and all kinds of other good things and mean it. You can write to me here any time you want to and I won’t count the questions.
You have an abusive mother. It will be much easier to love her from a distance after you leave home than it is to live with her, be her dependent and have to suffer through all of this. Some people find mothering easier than others do. We aren’t all cut out of the same piece of cloth.
I personally think you are wise beyond your years and very articulate. I’m proud you’re my e-kid! Blessings, Luise
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