Question: Dear Luise: I hate my mom. She never understands what I’m going through. If I tell her what happened to me she makes it seem my fault. She always spends more time with her friends and makes it seem it’s my fault that I hardly get out of the house. I’m only 13. How am I going to get out of the house if she’s over protective? I can’t even have text messages in my phone before she reads it. She always uses my phone without asking then a day later she asks me what’s that number or who have I been talking to when all along its the number she called. I can’t even lock the door of my room to even change before she asks me what I’m doing and yells at me to unlock it. If I’m even using the bathroom too long she asks me what I’m doing. I have no privacy. I don’t even have any friends cause I’m scared if she bothers me about the phone number. I always sit in my room alone crying. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m a prisoner in my own room. The only person that takes me out of the house is my sister. What should I do? E.
Answer: Dear E.: All in the name of love. How sad. The best thing you can do is to try to live through being her prisoner and not let it destroy you. Crying all the time is going to make you sick. If you can get yourself past that, it would help because crying takes a lot of energy and doesn’t solve a thing. It only fuels self-pity and that takes you down even more.
Running away is worse…kids die on the streets all the time. Thank heaven you’re smarter than those who think that’s the answer! And, as you know, arguing with your mother about it is useless…she has all the power.
I’m guessing that she is being run by fear and by horror stories…and maybe even by remembering the stuff she did or that happened to her when she was your age. You could ask her what it was like for her back then. She must be as miserable as you are over all of this. Very few people can be consistently that controlling and intrusive unless they have strong motivation. Why is she doing it? Does she think she is saving you from something even worse? Did you do something that set her off? Or is it supposed to make you perfect? If so, it won’t work because none of us is perfect.
I’m so thankful you have a sister. Can she figure out a way to get through to your mother? (My guess is that if she could, she would have by now.) How did she raise your sister and if it was the same way, how did she survive such treatment? Is there a family friend or a teacher who would be willing to talk to your mother or maybe your minister?
Be sure that you learn something from all of this, so when you have your own kids, you won’t make the same mistake. Too much control is usually just as bad as no control at all…or worse. I’m so sorry…you sound like a wonderful person. Blessings, Luise
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