How Do I Handle Hating Someone

Question: Dear Luise: What do I do if I hate some one? G.

Answer: Dear G.: Well, first of all, congratulate yourself that you have stepped away from it far enough to wonder what you can do about it. That’s unusual. Most hating is reinforced by justification and rationalization and blaming…(being right)…which not only keeps it in place but expands it. You are way ahead of all of that. Good for you!

When we hate someone, and it happens to all of us, we can look inside ourselves to see what it is pointing at. By that I mean…it can show us what we believe and value. That’s a good thing. We can also see that everyone doesn’t believe the same thing, and the person you hate my not be on the same track as you are.

The hard part, at least for me, is getting that we need to have that person be the way they are. We have a lot to say about how we are but very little to say about others. Sometimes we can’t get away from the person we hate because it’s a family member, neighbor, boss or teacher. We may not have a choice and will have to learn to put up with the hateful feelings that have come to the surface.

Others can sometimes help. It usually doesn’t hurt to ask, but hate is a pretty personal thing. What, if anything, is within your own control? What can you do to change things? Can you act differently to lessen the burden of the situation? Look carefully to be sure you aren’t making thing worse for yourself.

Beyond all of that, know it won’t last forever and talk to someone if you can. Sharing it can make a big difference. Blessings, Luise

One Response to How Do I Handle Hating Someone

  1. L. September 15, 2009 at 7:56 pm #

    Luise- Thanks for the great post. I thought o share an interesting saying that I stumbled upon awhile ago.. It says “Hating someone is like burning down a house to get rid of a rat”.

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