Question: Dear Luise : I HATE MY MOM! She’s so over-protective and thinks I do drugs whenever I’m in my bedroom! She won’t leave me alone or let me do what I want to do She won’t let me have a boyfriend or watch certain movies or go to the pool with my friends by ourselves! I HATE HER! What should I do? C.
Answer: Dear C.: Thank you for writing to me. You are much smarter than the average unhappy kid if you are willing to ask a third party for help. Good for you.
How I see it is that you are virtually a prisoner; no wonder you are pulling your hair out. It’s not fair and it’s not even healthy to have to live like that. Growing up normally requires increased privacy, experimentation and learning to make wise choices. Babies and toddlers can’t be given such options but for teens they are the tools they have to learn to use to become responsible adults. Kids who are “imprisoned”, no matter what it might be called…often run away. Many don’t survive making and carrying out that self-destructive choice. Those that do may find that a happy, normal and safe life is forever beyond their reach.
The other side of it is that your mom is terrified. She has heard what kids do when they aren’t being watched and how they lie and get away with it and she’s scared to death. She wants to protect you from all of the terrible stuff out there and she doesn’t know there isn’t any way she can do that.
What would you do if you were your mom? What would you do when you knew that danger lurked at swimming pools and on school buses…that boyfriends could bring STDs and pregnancy, that drugs were readily available that could kill or permanently maim and that some movies gave bad data out that could be used by teenagers to self-destruct? How would you monitor and supervise? To not protect is neglect…but how is balance accomplished?
I know what I would do and DID do, and that was to talk about all of this with my kids, voice my fears and try to get through it together. I didn’t work. My kids (both boys) lived through it but the tales they told me after they were grown up made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My heart stopped beating. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I could trust them but I couldn’t. I thought they were with me but they weren’t. I thought they were smart but they did incredibly dumb things. They made it through by shear luck and grew into wonderful men. Then they were terrified when their kids hit their teens and now their kids have kids in their teens and the terror continues. It doesn’t get any easier. Ever…
You may want to show your mom this e-interaction between us and let her know that in depriving you of your natural growing-up experiences, she is doing you serious harm. No matter what her motive is, (and we both know it’s love), you have to learn cause and effect.
Some kids who are “jailed” fight back in ways that make things worse. Those who cower and give up loose their spirit…and those who run away, die on the streets by the thousands.
Let you mom know that she is way off base and is doing more harm than good by trying to keep you from life. It’s out there. She can’t stop it.
You need to be smart and learn to make smart choices. That’s the answer. The ball is in your court and she needs to unlock the door and let you out. Not to do anything you want to but to do the best you can with her help and guidance. My money’s on you…I think you’re a winner! Blessings, Luise
i hate my mom. All she does is waste her money on e-harmony and everything else, when she keeps pestering me about how money is so important and how we need food. She also gives up every single chance to see me when I call her and ask her to do something with me on the weekends and all she says is: “I’m busy. No. How are you, Honey. I love you. Sorry I cant. Bye.” She is dating this stupid guy and she thinks I don’t know about it…even though she talk about it everyday and all I see her is on the weekends. I guess everything is more important then her kids. Her record is coming home at 3 on a Sunday. My brother is getting a car soon and if we don’t get one tomorrow, she is getting a car 4 him (he pays.) She doesn’t care if its safe or not because she hates taking her kids to school. Something a good mom would do in a snap. She always has an excuse to not be around me. I HATE HER! PLUS SHE ALWAYS LIES 2 ME ALWAYS! AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I HATE THIS LIFE! A.
I don’t blame you…I would hate it, too. Thank goodness you can move out when you are old enough. I know it seems like it’s forever but my son has now lived out on his own twice as long as he lived with me. 18 years at home and 36 years away. Most of your life will not be with her. Good plan! Hang in there!
You are way off base louise….these kids sound like they are 12 or just very immature…i agree that there are issues with some of the parents but could it also be these kids have done something to make their parents fretful and distrustful? You are asking them to disrespect their parents…shame on you… H.
My mom is so overprotective, I am 13 turning 14 this year and can’t do anything my friends do. I mean I love her sometimes but all my other friends parents don’t go thru their phones reading their texts or taking their phone and texting for them(she does that to me). I have to go in my room or to someones house to get away but that doesn’t even work. I’m always stuck in the house I love when I go to school because I can be myself and have fun. I have considered running away manny times but I get scared I need help shes abusive mentally and my bestfriend knows and is trying to get me to stop being depressed and thinking suicide. I have a boyfriend and I’m scared she’ll make him break up with me because I can’t see him, I really like him. I used to be a cutter but my friends helped me thru it but now I’m thinking of doing it again please help me I don’t want to do this anymore. N.
This is too serious for any online help. Please go to you counselor at school and tell her what you have told me. Blessings, Luise
my mum won’t let me have any freinds over it not fair im stuck at home meanawhile she has her freinds over i think it really unfair on me im kid i hate her
first, i should probably clear up why i am going to be misspelling words a lot in this comment: ever since 8th grade, my mther has had software on the computer that sends her an email every time i write certain words. she can add whatever words she wants–i have no clue what they are– so i have to be extremely careful or she can read everything i say. she has always been extremely overprotective; i wasnt allowed to wear tank tops until 7th grade, i couldnt listen to pop music (even if it wasnt inappropriate) until around 8th grade and even then i wasnt allowed to listen to most of the radio stations or any rap. she would go through and listen to every song on my ipod and made a list of all of the ones i had to delete. not even really explicit songs, for example, among these songs was “she will be loved” by maroon 5. i wasnt allowed to spend the night until 8th grade because i was “too tired” the next day. i wasnt allowed to go to movies with a group of boys and girls until my freshman year. i wasnt allowed to see pg 13 movies even after i turned 13. sometimes i wasnt allowed to see pg movies. i used to be limited to 20 minutes a day on the computer, which is monitored as ive already said.
im a pretty good kid–i hardly ever used to do anything wrong, and when i did i got caught every time. the first “bad” thing i ever did was sneak out my sophomore year at 2 in the morning at a cross country sleepover. we didnt even do anything–it sounds sketchy but we just went to this playground/parking lot of a school that everyone at my school goes to to meet up with people. we were legitimately there for less than an hour, nobody was drnking or anything. it was just a spur of the moment, stupid thing we did, and i realize that. my punishment was that i was not allowed to drive for 3 months, anywhere (one week after i got my license). i was an angel for the rest of my sophomore year. I admit that i have lied a lot about where i go, like stopping by parties, etc. i never had anything to drnk until this year, and when i did i was extremely responsible and i have never been drnuk, ever. i know im not supposed to, obviously, but isnt it extremely unrealistic for an almost 18 year old not to be curious and try it? anyway, drnking doesnt matter anymore, because my mum heard that i had and she now brethalyzes me every time i come home. this is pointless, because i am not allowed to do anything anymore and im not allowed to spend the night. this is all because a few weekends ago, my senior friend had a party and his parents werent home. everyone really thought they were, because a bunch of my friends mums called his mum to make sure they would be home, and they said they would. they ended up going to a ball and nobody knew until they got home. I was truthful and told my mum this, and she freaked out and didnt believe me. then she started talking to other mums a lot and found out stuff that other people have gotten in trouble for over this school year. she knows that some of my friends drnk and assumes i do as well, which is only half right seeing as i have only 3 times, and barely. I went out tonight and came home at 930 because my friend’s mum wasnt home yet, she was on her way back from dinner. i was sitting in front of the house in my car to wait for her to get home, and my mum didnt believe me and made me slam the car door to make sure i wasnt lying. i left as my friends mum pulled into the house. now i have to “make plans ahead of time” which is stupid because normally nobody makes plans before 7 on a saturday night. i have to call when i get places and when i leave. she cant get any more psycho. and honestly, she cant do any more than brethalyze me (which is psycho in the first place) because im obviously not going to get away with anything so why would i try. i feel like if she is going to go to such extremes like that that she should at least let me go places/parties as long as i tell her where i am.
boys are another story–she is convinced that i have sx with every boy i go out with, which is not true, i never have and i have never even thought about it. im not allowed to go to their houses and watch movies, and the few times that i have she has called to make sure their mum checks on us, which is embarrassing. i dont like them coming to my house either, because she replaced the couch in our tv room with two separate chairs divided by a table. its ridiculous, and i have to keep the door open even though its right next to the room that she is always in. i would appreciate a little privacy.
also, if i get into anymore trouble i wont be allowed to go to college and i will have to live at home and take a gap year. this would be understandable if i had severe problems or i was an alcholic, but i am far from it.
i used to hate my mum until sophomore year when she got much more lenient. she has been a lot better the past year up until about a month ago, and our relationship was the best it ever has been. now i feel it slipping back to what it used to be; i cant stand to be around her, i hate it when she talks, walks, eats, sleeps. i dont like it though, i hate hating her. i want it to be how it was when she thought she could trust me, even if i did go behind her back sometimes… but most kids do, and a lot more than i do. sorry for how long this is and if its confusing, but i thought it was necessary to put all of the details… HELP. i have been planning my emancipation and i am close to asking a family member if i can live with them after my 18th birthday, which i dont want to do because i really do love my family. just not when my mum acts as psycho as she is now
I would back down as far as possible no matter how hard it is. Anything else is just going to make things much worse. And I would suggest you move away as soon as you can because that’s a very unhealthy environment.
My mom keeps me away from dad! Help! E.,
You need an advocate. Talk to your relatives, minister/priest orschool counselor and get some support in being able to see your dad. Blessings, Luise
my mom always yells at me for no reason. i go to school for 8 hours a day. then i just want to rest as it is a long tiring day for me. in the morning she treats me like a child. if i am even a miniute late from the shower she will hit me really hard then as soon as i come back if she is there then she will work me until i cry. at night sometimes she will hurt me and make me cry if i go on the computer for too long. she wont let me have a proper phone. at night she also hurts me if i go to sleep late. S.
Oh, HOney, I am so sorry. You are being abused by someone who should be your greatest supporter. Can you find a relative you can talk to that might let you stay there? Or can you talk with a minister or a school counselor? I just hate it that you have to live like that. Please see if you can find an advocate. You deserve so much better! Blessings, Luise
I told my mum I hated her, but i really dont, and know she wont talk to me, all my friends stick up for me but when she does talk she just puts me down or tells me I should feel ashamed, which I do however I have a point that she wont listen too. She has stopped me doing my hobbies and is really icey with me HELP :L G.
She is hurt and is acting like a child herself. Just try to let her know that you care and that kids your age say dub things they don’t mean all the time. It doesn’t mean it’s true and let her know you miss her love a lot. Blessings, Luise
I love my mom dont get me wrong. I am 13. Every girl in my school is either a whore or a wannabe whore but i’m different along with my friends. I am raised in a strict Christian family which i love, but heres the problem i can’t do anything UNLESS my mom is present. My friends can go to our towns field without their parents, i cant even walk by, we have a pool in our BACKYARD and my mom won’t let me go with friends unless she is present. I thought once i turned 13 she would trust me more, but i’m i wrong! This friday, tommorow is my best friends sleepover party. She invited me and six other girls and she lives DOWN the street. I assumed just this one time my mother would let me go. She said NO, but just a week ago my bf slept over at my house! I legit bawled my eyes out today, i prayed to God that just this once she would let me go, but she is clearly fixed on her answer. I AND my mom need help, she thinks horrible things can and will happen to me after watching the news. ‘this is America anything can happen’ she repeats after every no. I sometimes wish i had my friends parents but i take that thought out of my head, because i love my mom and i trust her i just wish she would trust me too! : (
Thank you so much. Blessings, Luise
I’ve been in love with this boy who I know he’s the one and broke up with me during the summer, realizing what he did was the biggest mistake of his life. I want to get back with him but the problem is my mom. She won’t let me get back with him only b/c she hates him with a passion. I try to talk to him and then my mom spies on me. She ended up threatening saying “If you ever talk to him, see him, or anything that has to do with him I’m going to send you to California!” and her threatening me hurts me b/c I want to be with him so much and I really think it ruins a mother-daughter relationship, and I don’t want us to end up me being 18 years old and her 38 in therapy for a boy she hates so much and trying to rebuild our relationship I don’t want that to happen but i want her to accept him without the threats and the verbal abuse to me as well. Help me please I don’t want to crying myself to sleep anymore b/c of her threatening me for finding someone that makes me happy!N.
Sometimes moms think they know a lot more than they do. You mom thinks she’s protecting you from further hurt. Instead she’s hurting you. She doesn’t get that. The guy let you down and broke your heart. She can’t forgive him. There isn’t much you can do about it except to let him know that she may someday change her attitude…(or not.) Enjoy him at school and do your best not to go against her on this. It will only make things worse. You are right…he should have another chance. And she may be right..he might fail again. No one has a crystal ball. Blessings, Luise
hi, I was lurking around today on the computer because my mom yelled at me and lots more. I’ve had so much trouble with her its not even funny. I’m never allowed to go to any parties or anything! I cant even go to the roller rink without a friend. My friends from school are already there and nobody wants to leave to come get me and re-pay for admission. It makes me cringe to see a huge event or party EVERYONE (including geeky computer kids) are going to while im left in this prison called home. Sometimes when I ask why I cant do something or try to defend it I get a huge slap in the face or hit. and I can’t do anything back because im a guy and if I hit my mom back im gonna be hauled in the back of a cop car. It almost did happen in July last summer when I was so tired from working around the house. I didn’t have much sleep and we had to do some pointless thing in the garage and I said it was kinda pointless to do so. So my mom and I argue then finally she slaps me and threatens to call 911 (which she did) I pushed her back because she scratched my arm. I was stupid not to unplug the line because the operator heard it all. about 5 police cars parked in our yard. Its a horrible day I wont forget in this jail. I can’t do anything a normal teen would. I can’t play airsoft (non lethal bb gun game) with my friends EVEN with adult supervision. It sucks. My mom also scares away from me having a lot of friends. because people are afraid of people who easily explodes like she does. She also hits my german shepherd puppy when it barks sometimes, I feel so bad watching a poor defenseless animal get hit it makes me cry (even though im a guy) thats why I am always happy to go to school because I can actually socialize with people I feel comfortable around. I feel safer being in my 9th grade biology class than in home. tells you something eh? I got relatives in California and sadly she made the biggest mistake moving to NC here. So there is no relatives to hang by here. Every night I always dream of being/moving to CA or Germany (I speak german because my father spoke it) Sometimes I wish I could go to the airport and just fly and fly…..A.
If many parents out there were tested first for their ability to take on the job…it sounds like your mom would have flunked. If you run away…everything could be so much worse and you might not survive it. And you can’t make your own choices when you are under age. All you can do is enjoy school, hang in there and get the heck out of Dodge as soon as you are able. Beyond that…you know what kind of a parent not to be. I’m sorry. Yo deserve so much better than what you are getting.
Hi. I am dealing with a very similar problem. I’m the baby of six children so i do see why my mother would be a slight more protective over me, but she’s gotten out of control. I know why though. See my 20 year old sister is a stripper. and she ran away from home when she was 17 only to come back and cause mayhem at my house by throwing parties and smoking pot. She eventually got tired of being here so she left again when she was almost 19. So me being 16 means that she was with me all through the beginning of my teens so i guess you could say i “learned alot from her”. However, I am indeed the black sheep of all of my siblings and they all know it. Im the complete opposite of my sister and to be honest i hate her.(She used to call me a loser, ugly, ect. but thats a different story) so yes i have learned alot from her, I learned how to successfully ruin my life if i ever have the urge to do so. Im no a person who is influenced easy and I’m very headstrong. My sister was not. I like to spend my time skateboarding and painting… my sister liked to go to parties. In fact i was invited to go to a party this weekend by some of my good friends, but i turned it down because im not really in to that. SO my mother gathers all of this stuff that she’s discovered about my sister and thinks that i will do the same because apparently ever teenage girl is the same and is just dying to be a slut. It’s gotten to the point that i feel like i live in a prison. thats what my friends call it too! I don’t even bother asking if i can hang out with people because the answer is almost always no. and when i do get that blue moon its like she has to set up a conference with the parents. She always says “why do you want to go over there, what are you going to do” Uhm Im going to hang out with my friend thats what. She doesnt trust me at all and never has. I’ve never lost her trust because I never had it to begin with. Ive tried talking to her about it to, and how she shouldnt compare me to my sister. She just gets angry and starts yelling saying “oh well your sister said stuff like this too and look what happened. Its all lies” Its rather frustrating. I’ve talked to my other sisters and my brother and they have all told her i shouldnt be compared to my stripper sister because im a completeley different person. I have never done a thing to deserve punishment like this. im 16 and i get my license in a few months. All the kids i know that are 16 are allowed to ride with their friends places… I cant even ride to school with anyone. She makes me want to pull my hair out and scream. I just want to be a normal kid whos allowed to hang out with their friends and go to the fricken movies with them. thats all im asking for but apparently thats too much of a stretch. what should i do? please help H.
There’s nothing you can do to change your mother that I know of. She is probably never going to make sense. The best way to help you turn out like your sister is to do exactly what she’s doing. All you can do is have whatever fun you can have at school and put up with her insanity at home. If you try to get help through a counselor, she would probably just get worse because she thinks she knows what she’s doing and that it’s the right answer. She loves you. As soon as it is legal to move out, get the heck out of Dodge! I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. You deserve so much better and lots of moms would think you were a dream come true. Blessings, Luise
I live in a small country town, there’s never been any violence YET MY MOTHER WONT LET ME HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE THINKS I WILL BE STOLEN FOR PROSTITUTION. Are you kidding me?? PROSTITUTION? LOOK AT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. Some mothers know nothing. No offense. M.
Your mother is scared to death and what she’s doing is super-dumb. I’m sorry. You deserve soo much better. Blessings, Luise
Ok so i really want a facebook. i get to know what my friends are up to so ts easier to plan things with them, and i also can keep in touch with my friends so much better over the summer. unfortunately, my parents are VERY over protective. i have read a few stories online about kids who arent allowed to get a fb until high school. well, im not allowed to get one until im in 11th GRADE. (im in 8th grade rite now) HOW RIDICULOUS IS THATT?!?!?!?!?!??! in high school i should be WAYYY more independant than my parents will let me (especially my mom). i just rele want a facebook and my mom shouldnt be so much on my back about everything i do and my whole life anymore in high school. how can i convince her to let me get a facebook by 9th grade? K.
If your mom thinks it’s best for you not to have itm there isn’t much you can do. She thinks she is being a really good mom and showing you how much she cares. Tell her that you want to grow up a little at time…not have to do it all the day you turn 18 and ask for her help. It might work.
i hate my mom my friends and all my class are allowed to go to the town and have fun my mom wont let me do anything i hate her i not even allowed to go to house down the street and im 15 please help me please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ps I HATE MY MOM e.
I’m with you but hating only hurts the hater and not the person hated. She thinks she is helping you and loving you by putting you in a safe prison. How sad.
My mOm is so overprotective and nosy! She used to read all my tx messages but i think she stopped that unless she still does it when im sleeping (which ive caught her doin) she wont let me go to 7/11 to get like a candy bar. Becquse im not aloud to cross the busy road and today i was at my friends house and she called me 3 times and i didnt answer cause my phone was on silent and i didnt see the she callee then she went to my friends house and picked me up 5 minutes later. Also she wont let me go to he movies With my girlfriend. Sue won let me go to the mall with like 5 of my friends she says there needs to be an adult with u and she always yells at me for the supidist stuff/ please help me change this. T.
There isn’t any changing it.She thinksshe is being a good mom and protecting you. Hang in there. It won’t last forever and don’t raise your kids like that. It’s the opposite as neglect and just as deadly. You deserve so much better.
My mom won’t let me do anything. Whenever i ask to go some place my mom says no. whether its going over a friends house, a sleepover, a school dance, or even just playing outside the answer is always no. Its like she wants to keep me prisoner or something. She sees this stuff on the news and she thinks im gonna get kidnapped or something when in reality we live in the safest little town possible she’s so annoying.I literally spend all day stuck inside the house and im like freakin out all my friends are always askin me why i can’t hang out and they get the same answer my mom wont let me.I’m seriously ready to like runaway and this is like only one of the things i hate about my mom. J.
Hating her is hurting you, not her. You deserve so much better but she thinks she’s protecting you and there is nothing you can do about it. Do not run away! Kids die on the street because they weren’t smart enough to stay at home and see it through. You do deserve a lot better. I agree!
My mom really starting to pmake me mad. She needs to get off my case. Acting like she wasn’t my age before doin the same stuff I’m doin.
My mom will not let me go to a sleep over. im 11 and have NEVER Been to a sleepover or anything. i reSpect my .mom aNd <3 her to death but its so hard being the girl who is friends wit all da poplar people and never going anywhere. what can i tell her to make her trust me? K.
She thinks she protecting you from a scary world and is doing her best. I thikn she needs to let up on you so you can learn to make your own decisions and become a strong adult…but I know where she’s coming from. You just have to live with it because she’s in chanrge. Don’t run away. Kids die on the streets every day. 100s of them. Blessings, Luise
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Hi, my mother is a psycho and I truly dislike her a lot. I don’t hate her or wish she was dead or anything like that because I really am a nice 16 year old girl, just not to her. First of all, i can’t talk to her about ANYTHING serious. For example when I’m having a rough patch with one of my friends and I try to talk to her about it, she either half-listens and gets distracted and changes the subject, or it ends up in an argument. When she does listen to me, somehow the entire neighborhood finds out what I told her and it’s really embarassing… I cant trust her. Eventually I started seeing this pattern and just stopped telling her things all together, which upsets her. Then when I try telling her how its hard to talk to her she gets mad and we fight again. She’ll usually be super mad for about and hour and then she’ll act all super nice to me and try to get me to play games with her or something, yet she’ll be talking to my dad or my aunt on the phone or something and she calls me names and then she’ll talk about how ungrateful I am. She always says to me, “I gave up so much for you, I don’t have a job so I could take care of you and the house, I sacrificed my life to be with you and you are so unappreciative of me!” She really doesn’t do that much, she cooks good food and cleans a little, but usually she makes me or my younger brother do it. I even did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen after a party for her while my dog was having a seizure and she yelled at me to stop making noise, and she didnt even say thank you for cleaning. I hate my younger brother too, once he almost killed me a few years ago when he held a knife over my head and threatened to drop it (I was laying on the floor), which he did but luckily I rolled out of the way. When my parents came home and I explained what happened, I got in trouble for it saying that I was “Always so mean to your brother and you push him to do things like this!!!” and then she’ll go and give him hugs and tell him everything OK… I stopped eating for a few days after this because i was so upset, and when my mom found out she called me anorexic and started flipping out on me. To this day if i skip a meal when I dont feel good I get in trouble. Now i always find myself overeating just so I dont get yelled at and now I’m gaining weight and it’s horrible. I can’t really exercise either because i have back problems. I’ve been to over 20 doctors and none of them can find out what’s causing my pain, so they just send me to physical therapists. Well currently I’m at this one PT but she doesnt help at all and my mom refuses to take me anywhere else to look for help. I’m in constant chronic pain every day, I cant sleep anymore because it hurts but she wont help me. Once i mentioned the idea of getting painkillers just so I could go to work and do sports without coming home in tears, and I got in so much trouble. I was grounded for a week and she wouldnt talk to me or take me to the grocery store to buy healthier foods to eat. I wanted to quit work because it hurt so bad but she wouldnt let me, yet she still wont take me to the doctor. She thinks i’m faking and tells me “You act like you’re the only one in the world with these problems! Suck it up!!!” She then tells me that if there was any way she could take my pain away, she would… doesn’t that seem like a HUGE contradiction? It frustrates me to the core. Especially because she has back pain too and complains about hers all the time but I can’t say boo about mine without getting screamed at. We constantly get in arguments, and somehow I’m always the one apologizing even when she’s in the wrong, partly just to stop all the tension and fighting and partly so my dad doesnt have to deal with her wrath. I love my Dad, but my mom has his balls in a vice grip if you know what i mean. He always has to take her side or else she gets angry with him and they fight too… I’m seriously surprised that they aren’t divorced. I wish they would get divorced so I could just go live with my dad in the nice house that HE payed for, alone, since my mom has no job. I wish she would just get a job since Im old enough to take care of me and my brother (14 years old) and I’ve told her that but she doesnt listen. She needs to get a job that way I dont have to see her all the time at home. I’ll be getting my license soon so I’ll be able to drive myself places, such as work and friends houses. I’m really not a bad kid at all, I dont drink or do drugs because im too smart for that stuff, and I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend because she thinks were gonna have sex or do bad things. I used to be depressed like last year but i’m ok now, but i feel like the depression could come back and I’m scared. I’m a straight A student but somehow my mother thinks i should be doing better. For example my sophomore year i took AP Chemistry and got a 4 on the AP exam, and she was mad that I didnt get a 5. Like, I still get full college credit and saved her (well, technically my dad…) a buttload of money in the future. Half the time when I ask her to drive me places she’s too “busy” laying out in the sun or watching TV or playing with the dogs or something of that nature. She always makes up these excuses and unless my dad is home I can’t go. It’s not fair, he does all the work and when he comes home he still has to work his butt off and he never gets a break. I can barely talk to him since he’s almost always working, and when I do talk to him about my moms behaviour he still ends up taking her side because she forces him. When he is home to drive me though, she doesn’t trust me to be with friends or have a friend drive me home so I always am the first one to leave and get home early. She texts me constantly throughout the short night and if i dont respond i get in more trouble. She never like abuses me or hits me or anything really, I just get slappped across the face a lot. Recently I’ve gotten really close with my physics teacher in school, and i ended up getting a perfect score in her class and on the exam. We had summer school this year together so I could be prepared for AP Physics as a junior, and i won $50 in a contest. I ended up taking her and her husband out to dinner (He’s my teacher too!) and we are all super close and I love them so much. They’re so nice to me and they live real close so I can see them a lot and call/text them. I feel like I love Mrs. “Smith” more than I love my own mother, and I think my mom is starting to notice it too. I even called Mrs. “Smith” “Mom” once, and now i call her it all the time. My mom knows this, and when Mrs. “Smith” came to pick me up for dinner I hugged her, yet when my mom asks for a hug and I say no, she says “You hug Mrs. “Smith” all the time but you never hug me!!!” and she gets really upset. I almost wish that I could just live with her and have her adopt me. She’s so nice to me and appreciates everything I do, like when I paid for our dinner with the money I won from them they were so thankful and appreciative. Like, even when my mom asked how I was gonna spend the money they gave me and I told her how I’m taking them out to dinner, she said “Why would you do that?” and was upset and confused. I’m just a nice person and I appreciate all that they’ve done for me and they appreciate all i’ve done for them as well, and I love them to death. I don’t know what to do about my mother anymore, she always tells me how she wants a relationship with me but then she’ll go behind my back and talk about me to other people. I can’t stand her anymore and I am so lost. I have nobody to talk to (besides Mrs. “Smith”, but she doesnt know any of this or what goes on at home) and I really dont want a relationship with her. What do I do about my mother, am I right to dislike her so much? She always makes me feel that everything is my fault when things go wrong and I dont know what to think anymore. I even hate being in the same room as her. Is it normal that I feel so close to a teacher as well and wish that she was my mom? Please help me, I’m so confused in life and feel so worthless. Please tell me what to do & think about my mother and about Mrs. “Smith”. Thank you so much, E.
Your mother is a total mess. She has a great daughter and has no idea how lucky she is. Hang in there, stay out of her way and count the days until you can move out. My guess about your very painful back problem is that the stress of your life is focused there. Your hurt and your disappointment and your anger have to be expressed somehow. My guess is that as soon as you leave home your back will no longer be a problem. “Mrs. Smith” is showing you respect and is offering you the chance to learn from that to develop a deep and abiding self-respect. It isn’t you. It never was. It is about your mother’s own unresolved issues and you are the scape goat. She is 100% wrong. Better days are ahead. Youe whole life is ahead of you and you are getting the worst part over first. Blessing, Luise
hi am 21 years old got a daughter and have my own house, im independant and have been for 3 years now with my daughter, my mum is really controlling me tho, she dont like me havin a bf,she dont like me goin out with friends,she watches what i spend on with my money and falls out with me anytime she wants,my brother is 15 and goes to scholl on his bus past my house if he sees someone at my house he tells my mum and she asks 101 questions,if my bf is at mine she asks y did he have a bag or is he stayin,HELP. N.
Your mother will control you only as long as you let her. She is being abusive and you can stop it. If she babysits, get someone else. If she persists, move. You have options and do not have to be her victim. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise
Hey everyone I have been reading all of these comments and I can tell you I can pretty much relate to what you are all sayin I am a 14 year old kid but my mom treats me as if I am 1 and never let’s me do anything anymore but I have one thing that most ppl probably can’t relate me to I smoked weed once and got caught so everysence then I can’t do anything I am just locked in the house all summer doing nothing and sometimes she gets really mad when I just stay in my room all day and hide from her because I hate it when she yells at me all the time and if I am at the store or something with her she embaresses me and puts me on the spotlight and just yells at me for something dumb and when I text my friends she reads everything stalks everything my Facebook and everything I’ve had thoughts of suicide as well some one please help me I don’t think I can take this anymore I am dying one more thing. and if I do get privileges from my grandpa to do maybe some fun stuff with my friends like give me some money to go to the movies she calls him and tells him not to she makes my life he’ll and I don’t know what to do I think she is doing this on purpose it’s not like she has never smoked weed before she always has she is probably still smoking today but I don’t know I guess she thinks it is fun to do this to my life like this but I just say to myself four more years and I’ll be out of here I hate being locked in my house please someone help me. M.
No one can help you but yourself. Four years sounds like forever but you have to do it, anyhow, so you might as well stay out of her way and go along with her insanity. You mom thinks she is protecting you from the world. What you did wasn’t smart but none of us are smart 24/7. And being put on house arrest is a pretty severe sentance. Hang in there and know that the bulk of your life will be self-directed. Blessings, Luise
Okay so this is my senior year and I want to go out with a bang. Lots of my friends are planning a trip to Dominican Republic because it would be a lot cheaper and safer than Mexico. My mother is friends with some of the parents that are going but she is not allocating me to go. I understand the primary reason people go is for the drinking age which is 18. But I have no interest with that and she knows that, I just want to have a fun senior year with my friends. What do I do? B.
Ask, beg, plead withyour mother to go along. She is wrong and yet she is being lovingly protective. Get her on your side and show her you understand…but need her understanding as well. Blessings, Luise
Morning. I don’t know how to start this off but I’m feeling very overwhelmed and stressed this morning until I don’t want to do anything. I’ve been going through a depression but I’m not sure if I still am, some day I don’t feel depressed, other days I do. I go to a cyber school (online) at my house in my room, so I’m already cut off from the world as it is. I’ve never been in public school so It’s obvious that I don’t have good social skills. I’m IMing my guidance counselor right now and she’s really making me mad because I’m telling her about how much I don’t like my life and she acting as if she’s knows everything that’s right for me, and she sending soo many smiley faces while I’m over here depressed and wanting to scream. It’s very annoying.
But anyway, I don’t like my mom, she is way too strict. She always wants to know everything, as if I’m some kind of stalker to my friends. She’s always bossing me around telling me to do stuff for her when she wants it done. It makes me feel like her servant or something. I just turned 16 and all she told me about being 16 is that there is more responsibility. All I want to do is have fun and make something good out of my life, but I don’t know how because she fails to teach me. She said be a teen and live your life as a teen and have fun the best way you know how, but I don’t know how. I practically live in a box. I keep up with my school work and I do my chores, and I do what she tells me to do without complaining. But I’m not happy at all, and I want to be happy. There’s a guy that I like that I want to date but I can’t because my mom wants me to wait until I’m 18. There are soo many things going on with my body that I just don’t understand and I feel like I can’t go to her for help. I want a good relationship with my mom, but how can I have that when all she tells me is no no no when I start to want what a normal teen wants. It’s so confusing, and I don’t know what to do. I keep getting told that I should just talk to her, but it’s soo hard just to open up to her. I feel like I can’t because she’s just gonna tell me what she wants for me and not listen to what actually makes me happy. She doesn’t even know that I have a deep passion to sing, like her, but she told me that I shouldn’t want to sing for a living, that I need a backup plan or whatever. She told me that there is a very very good chance that I won’t be discovered and that I won’t live my dream because we don’t have the money to make it. But I’m still trying to hold onto it the best way I can, but I’m soo discouraged. I don’t know what else to say or do about my life, but thanks for reading this. B.
B. – I can’t think of a single thing you can do to change anything except inside of yourself. I doubt that talking to your mom is going to alter her point of view. She loves you, that’s clear, but her ideas regarding how to help you mature into a lovely young woman (that you are going to become,anyhow) lack any degree of practicality. You are going to have to find happiness on your own. Writing to me shows me that are strong and that you aren’t about to give up on yourself. Hang in there and move out of there the minute you can do it legally. Don’t run away…over-protected kids sometimes think that’s the answer and many die on the streets. You deserve so much better. Sing and laugh. Blessings, Luise
alright so me and my boyfriend are four years a month and twenty days apart,yeah?i Just need too convince my mom too let us sleep together i don’t mean lyk.sex or anything i mean lyk lay down and let me fall asleep in his arms,we aren’t interested in that yet we have been together almost four months,he’s so sweet,he sings me this song’crazy girl’
&he tells me he Luvs me constanly..i have really fallen for this guy.(:.just plz tell me how i can get my mom too let me sleep with him. K.
K. – You would sleep…he wouldn’t. He may think he would…but trust me on this one…he wouldn’t. Guys have hormones that drive them up a wall. They have hormones that make them nuts. With the best of intentions…and I’m sure he has them…it just isn’t possible. If you continue to think it is, there’s trouble ahead.
Here goes,
Im 17 and i have over-protective parents. I cant wear anything less than sleeve less or shorts above knees. Irrespective of clothing, my curfew is 7pm. I can’t be awake beyond 10pm and have to be awake by 7 30,even on Sundays. I live with my mom and she wont let me go for a simple sleep over at a friends place. She wont let me go to any friend’s place actually. Im a really “good girl”. I have straight A grades and play a lot of instruments. But if i dont watch certain movies or listen to certain songs, im degraded as a spoilt kid. I help around the house yet im still shouted at for treating the house like a hotel. I do my chores and i care for my mother a lot. Yet, I still get yelled at and all my efforts are unappreciated. I want to and have the potential for applying to really good universities which are far. And the best one near my house is 12 miles away. She wont let me apply to any college other than that. Even though ive learnt driving she wont let me practice. She makes it really hard for me to be independent. I have to depend on her to drop me and I cant go anywhere! There was a time where she used to track the websites i visit or whom i call. I havent done anything wrong ever! I dont have a boyfriend, ive never been to a dance,party etc. I cant hang out with friends and if i ask why i get shouted at for being disrespectful just for asking why? there is no scope for me to leave home after high school either. She constantly complains that im like an “american teenager” and i should be more like my foreign cousins. Its practically impossible to stay at home listening to all the insults, shoutings, and comments.L.
L. – You can leave home when you come of age. You can leave home. get a jub, get a room and go to college. Please talk to a school counselor about this. I am totally impressed with you you are and who you are going to become. The home situation you find yourself inand have to put up with is nuts. Blessings, Luise
My family is constantly yelling at me they always blackmail me my mom is the worst. She always yells wen I don’t do what they ask she enter let me grow up and be an adult I’m 18 almost. 19 and recently I gt yelled at for going to my bfs wen she’s the one who said I could go we went to take pics for his senior year and it took longer then expected and his ma is sick and couldn’t. Take me hme so my mom had to get me and the whole way hme she yelled and they always treat. Me like a lil kid and I just can’t take it any more I need out but no one believes. WHAT DO I DO? V.
V. I know of nothing except stick it out until you can get out. Blessings, Luise
So I’m eighteen. My mom refuses to let me grow up I’m still in school so I can’t really do anything unless I help. I have to help babysit. Even tho I don’t get paid I was with my bf recently and were taking pictures. For his senior year and it took longer then expected and I gt wyelled at for not calling I used to cut and have bulemia. She thinks. Image end up pregnant before I graduate they don’t believe in me she won’t let me Ger a liscense customer she thinks I’m not ready I want nd need out what should I do? And she refuses to take me to a doctor. V.
V. All I can think of is to hand in there until you finsih school and then get the heck out of that mess. Blessings, Luise