Question: Dear Luise: I’ve been married for 6 months. I love my wife to death. We’ve had nothing but good times together so far. When we were dating we went out a lot. We kind of rushed into marriage after like 5 months. She had defensive barriers when I met her but I took them down slowly. She is not one who shows lots of affection but I know that its there. I went away for two weeks for school and now that I’m back, something is different about her. She now has a male friend that she talks to but she assures me that he’s a friend and I have nothing to worry about. She says she would never cheat on me. She says she’s known him since they were little. Is there any way I can trust what she says? I really love her a lot. Now she says she needs some space all of a sudden. You don’t get that type of space when you are married do you? Am I wrong about the situation? D.
Answer: Dear D.: I really hope I am totally wrong here, but I think you’re right. Every time I have heard about someone in a committed relationship connecting up with someone who was “just a friend” and then “needing space”…it’s been all over in no time.
My guess is that your wife reconnected with this guy when you were away for two weeks. By having to go away, you have already “given her space” and I think she misused it. She may not have cheated yet and she may be telling the truth about “just talking” with him…but that’s still my take on the way it’s headed. And yes…after marriage, I see someone “needing space”, especially after you just got home, as a red flag. The marriage “is” the space and everything is resolved within that reality…not outside of it. The only exception I know of is when a counselor is factored into the equation.
Talk with her. Tell her she seems different. It isn’t about trust; it’s about the whole truth and nothing but the truth. (She may not have actually faced it herself as yet.) And if you do that, be prepared for the worst. I think that’s what you’re going to get. And as I said at the beginning, I sure hope I’m wrong about this. Blessings, Luise