Question: Dear Luise: My husband and I have been married for a year and we are expecting a child very soon. He loves and cares for me dearly. Treats me like a queen. Spoils me and does everything I want him to. We both understand and love each other dearly. But the thing that still worries me is that is, does he still have feelings for his ex-girlfriend? They were broken up about 4 years ago and they were both deeply in love for 3 years and were thinking of marriage until she had a change of heart and left him heart broken. I still see her all the time when we go out with groups of friends. I tell myself I shouldn’t be jealous because she’s the past but it still feel uneasy when I see her or when she shows up. I treat her like a friend and we all sometime hang out together. He would still talk and play around with her since they are still friends. He says he wants to treat everyone like an equal. Although he treats me so good, I feel uneasy when he does this. He’s not doing anything wrong but maybe I’m just too jealous? T.
Answer: Dear T.: Any amount of jealousy is being “too jealous” because it’s a miserable feeling. It isn’t easy for most of us to be around someone who was once with our partner. You know your husband and this lady once mattered a great deal to each other and you probably wonder if he would even be married to you, if she hadn’t messed up. It’s very lofty of him to not want to cut her out of his life and it probably makes him look good. In contrast, you’d look pretty bad if you expressed feelings of jealousy.
My suggestion is that you learn to graciously put up with it when they see each other socially and kid around. That’s the answer; no matter how hard it seems, rise above it. Everything else is great and you don’t want any feelings of insecurity to get in the way of your being the wonderful woman he loves and the person he has chosen to be the mother of his child. As you mature, you will feel better and better about yourself and wonder why you ever had one jealous thought. You can do it. Blessings, Luise