Comments on: My Teenage Son Hates Me

By: Luise Volta

Luise Volta — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:29:48 +0000

J. You have seen, talked to and worked with people who are much more qualified to help you through this than I am. I have no professional background…just horse sense. That said, my take is that you and your daughter need to move on and not let your stepson make victims of either of you. Beyond that, it sounds like your little girl may be in real danger. Nothing positive seems to be coming from your presnt approach to suggest you continue it and I don’t know of anything you haven’t tried. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than this. Blessings, Luise

By: J.

J. — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:38:08 +0000

Hi Luise,
I have an interesting problem. I am raising my adopted son(15) alone. I Married his mother when he was only 3 and ultimatedly adopted him. Things were fine unitl she had a surgery go bad in 2003 and was never the same after that. She became addicted to various meds and lost her mind in the process. The kid’s seen a lot of crazy things, including her die at home from an overdose (I was there doing cpr) 3 yrs ago. He’s changed. Badly. He’s been arrested 3 times, has done 3 tours in juvy jail totaling 6 months. Is so far behind in high school I’m afraid he’ll never graduate, and I don’t think he even cares to. He’s gotten himself tattood from knuckles to ears on both arms, smokes dope, sells dope, and I’ve caught him trying to buy a gun twice. As far as respect for me, there is none anymore. He’s very rude, manipulative, steals a lot, lie’s constantly and just doesn’t give a care in the world. He’s been to different counselors and all he does is fight with them. My wife and I had a daughter together who is now 9, and she’s a wonderful kid. He threatons her, has held a knife in her stomach, and just doesn’t care how he treats her. He’s even meen to our dog (kicking her, throwing punches at her). I’ve tried everyting I can think of but he’s told me that he doesn’t see me as his dad and doesn’t think he should have to live by my rules. I’ve had enough; though I don’t want to give up on him I think it’s time to send him to live with her parents, at least he sees some blood there. Any adivce or help would be greatly apprecaited. J.

By: A.

A. — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 10:42:58 +0000

Might I add a whopping big sigh of relief for having found other Moms who have fallen victim to this generation of ungrateful teenage youth? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! oops! “it fair! I still feel like I just threw away literally the past 19 years of my life on two living, breathing 5 ft 11 and 6 ft tall Beavis & Buttheads, Children of the Corn!
I suppose life isn’t yet overt age 41. And with my youngest Kornholio still living at home, age 17.. you never know, the kid could wake up tomorrow and pull his head out of his bunghole just yet? But seriously speaking….Im was just wondering why, aside from my lifelong affinity for small, helpless, chubby, mostly furry creatures such as PUPPIES! AGE! I’m going to let this sad indignance plaguing my heart, along with the rest of your own situations for God to work out for us..because there’s only so much good a person can do in this life and it be punished in return rather than rewarded or at the very least APPRECIATED!
P.S. I know I grew out of my teenage Momhater phase immediately following high school, but Mom is a tough, Russian-Jewish Mom from the depression and the old country so she has spent the past 20+ years getting back at me with her iron cold shoulder-Vey!A.

By: Luise

Luise — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 21:21:47 +0000

A. I can’t release that information but please come over to my Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com. You can interact with others there.

By: A.

A. — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 21:52:42 +0000

Hi, I was reading the comment number 7149 and 7695 and I was wondering if i could contact these ladies to see if things have improved for them because I am going through a similar situation and I would like to know if things are getting any better for them and how they cope with it ,thank you. A.

By: L.

L. — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 00:09:12 +0000

to 1 mother with 15 year old boy ok soo…. i know this is off topic but i was in same position thu but i was 13 you know this may never end and it may burn out the anger that is ( that’s the worst case scenario if thats happen he won’t feel anything for you literally will become an empty space and the odds of turning back to normals are very low but BUt it can pass) and laste the 3 case scenario is it’s slowly may come back to normal -___- wery slow that is for me it was licke um 6 or 7 years i’m not sure (some time rage and harte pane come back …still) He the boy fillse that you think that you betrayed him and his father and his reaction it’s bad but we all are human you know, what did you expect no 1 will help you no dock no psychologist best way for you be honest tell him how you fill what happen between you and your husband if you’re lucky it may end this week if not the trauma is deeper than that and will take some time to heal (if it was for too long it well becom the abyss and that too late for help )
( and something more if you gonna marry now then you gonna lose him{thats what was in my case that was howe i felt}) P.S. i’m 21 now and i help because i was the same boy i was hurt and i hurt others and hate it now soo i whant to help the boy -_- i know its trite but ther you have it sorry for off topic. L.

By: Luise

Luise — Tue, 10 May 2011 18:37:23 +0000

I have a Web-forum that deals with similar issues: http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com Come on over.

By: S.

S. — Mon, 09 May 2011 18:07:13 +0000

We have almost identical stories except our son hates school and is working in construction. In the last month he moved away, wont tell us where he lives and stopped asking for money. It hurts more than my words can express but I know that I cant make his choices. We pray for him and hope that one day he will be able to give and receive love. We have made all of our decisions from love and it’s hard to understand why he hates us so much. S.

By: K.

K. — Mon, 02 May 2011 14:00:36 +0000

Our son is almost 20. He is in the last week of freshman year. Since going to college, about 1 hour away, he refuses to come home. When he was home for Christmas break he spent most of the time away. He is a bright, personable boy whom everyone adores. But, he acts as if his dad and i are the enemy, especially me. He says he doesn’t call home because he just isn’t like that, he doesn’t feel the need to stay in touch. We are the sole source of his spending money and college tuition save his housing costs. We expect him to do well in school, we don’t bug him about much of anything but his resentment of us is palatable. Is anyone else in this situation with a child this old? K.

By: Luise

Luise — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 03:00:13 +0000

All we can do is our best and often we can’t convince others that we care when they are brainwashed into believing otherwise. He has made his choice and even though he is still underage, I don’t see how you can do anything but accept that and go on loving him in your heart. You gave him life. There is no greater gift.

By: P.

P. — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 20:58:45 +0000

i was homeless and allowed my 10 yr old son to stay with a woman i thought to be a freind. this woman brainwashed my son to think of me as a bad mother so she could gain custody of my son for his ssa benefits in the amount of 1,100,00 a month. this woman called CPS and had my son tell all these bad things about me that were lies. i wasn’t able to regain custody in the 18 months the county gives parents for reunafaction. my son is 16 now and lives in ohio i live in california i went to visit him 3 weeks ago and he was so angry at me he told me he don’t want nothing to do with me he was yelling at me over the phone every day i was there. my sons guardian has let my son move out of her house not ever checking who he is living with. my son said he was tired of me walking in and out of his life and i told him he pushed me out of his life when he got cps involved in our lives, he admits he did this to me but he belives what that other woman told him about me. i came home heartbroken i hurt so bad for my son but he told me over and over to leave him alone. P.

By: Luise

Luise — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 22:48:46 +0000

You need to see a good attorney ASAP.

By: D.

D. — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 17:39:09 +0000

I have been divorced for 10 years, have a 14 year old son and his dad has been putting things in his head against me all these years. Dad took me to court 3 years ago to modify parent child relationship- wanted my son to live with him. After a social study it the judge decided that it was in the best interest of my child to be with me. His dad has continued to mess with is mind and I feel that my son tries to fight his dad’s battles with me. My son has a lot of resentment and anger towards me. I feel that my son hates me, especially because I demand good grades, chores, etc.

Yesterday he went with his dad and was supposed to come home in the afternoon and didn’t and would not answer my calls or texts. My son is grounded here with me for some things related to his grades in this past report card, he has chores and is expected to do them so it is so much more appealing to him to stay with dad where he can run around lose. Police is saying that they can’t force my son to come home, and dad (who owes 30,000.00 in child support) is not encouraging him to do so either, but since he is not the one directly interfering with the visitiation order he as been led to believe that he is not breaking the law. What can I do? Where do I go to get the order enforced and my son back? D.

By: Luise

Luise — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 20:02:10 +0000

Come over my Web-forum http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com I think you will get support there on how to deal with or live through this. Blessings, Luise

By: S.

S. — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 20:17:31 +0000

My son just turned 14 and at one point, came home from a visitation with dad with visible marks on his ams. He said his father hurt him by pulling him accross the carpet in a fit of rage and that he never wanted to go back to his house. I told my son that he can’t just stop seeing his father, we have a court order that requires parenting time. My son was adament that he was afraid and so I called the cops, filed a report, they took pictures and we went to CPS for an interview in which they took my son into a room alone to tell his story. Long story short, CPS “lost” the pictures, didn’t want to see the pictures I took myself and said the claim was unsubstanciated. So, thousands of dollars later I am being lectured by a judge that I am to enforce his fathers parenting time. So, I do.

Almost as soon as he began seeing his father again, his father stopped paying his child support. I lost my job of 6 years shortly after and begged him to pay. But he kept quitting jobs when incoming withholding kicked in making me more an more financially stressed. Now, he wants my son to come live with him and has told my son that when he turned 14 he got to decide. (not entirely true, custody is decided by a judge not a child)

My son has been increasingly disrespectful to me, refusing to do as asked, not going to his room but instead blocking doorways that I am trying to go through, yelling at me in my face. He has even thrown a shoe and hit me in the head, kicked me in the gut multiple times, and slapped me upside my head. There have been consequences, loss of video games, cell phone, internet, and yes… physical consequences also. Since I can’t spank him, he wrestles with me when I try. I have pinned him down on the ground, held his arms, and a few times I have even resorted to popping him on the mouth.

Obviously, things are bad… really bad. And he keeps saying how awful of a mom I am and that he hates me. Dad doesn’t help, he sides with our child. I also have a 4 year old in the house and she is scared when the confrontations go on. So, I sent him to his dads. Now dad refuses to let me speak to him or send him for parenting time… even though custody has not yet been modified by the courts. He just tells me that our son doesn’t want to talk to me or see me, and he isn’t going to force him. Yet not 6 months ago he told a judge that I should force our son to speak to him and go on visits.

Should I persue the visits and phone calls, or just let my son figure out for himself that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side? I feel like all of this is an attempt to further avoid child support and the arrearages, as well as punish me. I don’t want to continue living with my son as it has become unhealthy for us both and my daughter. Did I do the right thing… should I just let him alone for a while? S.

By: Luise

Luise — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 03:32:31 +0000

Good thinking.

By: S.

S. — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 07:09:24 +0000

all you dumb moms/dads should look at yourself b4 you bash your kid/teen. S.

By: Luise

Luise — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 17:27:59 +0000

Please come over to my Web-forum that focuses on these issues: http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise

By: W.M.

W.M. — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 05:32:44 +0000

Can anyone help me? I had a wonderful relationship with my 12 year old son. We were extremely close and open with a trusting relationship. His father is psychologically abusive to me and has long threatened to “take away” my son. Suddenly within the past week, like day to night, my son has begun hating me. He has said he wants me to move out of the house or he and his father will leave me, that he hates me, he has parroted his father’s insults, thrown things at me and refuses to speak to me. I realize it is necessary to leave his father but it is difficult because I also have a severely disabled younger child and am nearly indigent. My heart is broken. I cannot understand how I could lose the love of my dear, dear child. I have never once inflicted any sort of harm on him and truly believe I have been a very good and loving mother. I do not know where to turn for help. I’m not sure how I can cope with such a loss. Thank you for any suggestions. W.M.

By: B.

B. — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 09:12:49 +0000

Hi W. You are in a difficult place and it is lovely to hear that you wish to help improve the relationship he has with his mother. My situation sounds similar except that I am the mother.

My 14-yr-old son has just (today) stormed out to move in with his father and stepmother. He (usually a wonderful kindhearted boy) had been acting strange and secretive. I worried that he was in some sort of trouble and I made the mistake of snooping on his computer – something I had previously avoided doing. What I found confirmed that I had very good reason to worry. However, I now think I could have handled this without snooping or at least without letting him know I snooped – I didn’t need concrete proof for my feeling that something wasn’t right and I could have handled it without knowing the specifics. My son now hates me, I feel awful and there is less chance of the thing I was worried about getting addressed properly. B.