Question: Dear Luise: Something really terrible has happened to me and I want to know if there is any way to reverse it. I love this guy and he once loved me. I know I brought our break-up on myself but he won’t even talk to me about making up. We met at a church camp where we both had jobs. Falling in love was so wonderful and it just got better and better after we got home. I’m the problem. I felt like he was not going to stay with me so I kept testing him to see if he would. I just can’t seem to help myself, even though I know it is about a former guy and not about him. Recently I acted really weird toward him in front of his fraternity friends at the library, and Sunday, after we went to our Young People’s Meeting, we all went over to a friend’s house, and he told me that the prom was off and so were we. I am totally broken up about this but the door seems to be closed forever. Is there anything I can do? I need some teen love advice really bad. Thank you. Molly H.
Answer: Dear Molly: You have done your homework. You know where the problem lies and why. That may or may not help. If he’s really had it, so have you. I would ask him if you could talk, privately. If he is willing, which he may not be, tell him what you have learned from your insecurity and that you know you brought about his giving up on you. Tell him that you have more to offer than fear and insecurity and ask him if he would be willing to give it another try. He may not be willing to talk with you. In that case, write to him or email him and do your best to present a more mature picture of yourself. Embarrassing him in front of his friends was not smart. You need to especially let him know that you were way, way off base there.
He may not respond. If he doesn’t, use your heartache to learn something from all of this. I know that’s not the teen love advice you had hoped for but don’t pull back and retreat from life over it. Talk with your Mom or someone who is like a Mom to you and get your feelings up on the surface and out. If you need counseling to work through it, ask your parents to help you get it. This feels like the end, right now, and it may be, with him. However, if all else fails, it can also be the beginning of your becoming a young adult and facing whatever you have to face without taking it out on another person. That said, look at it this way, the next guy is going to be one lucky person! Blessings, Luise
Dear Luise,
this boy is in my class and he seems to keep looking at me. when i look at him, he looks somewhere else. what does that mean?? i do have a crush on him and he looks like he has a crush on me. but i dont know how to approach him. he doesnt hang around with any of my friends and im not friends with any of his friends. and it also looks like he flirts with other girls who are more sophisticated than i am.but he has never talken to me and ive never talk to him. what should i do? or what needs to happen? i do want him to notice me. A.
Can you find out his cell number? If so, send him a text that says something like… Hey, I am noticing that you are noticing me…so I thought I’d just say “Hi.” And see what happens. An old saying is…”Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Go for it.